have a little faith | janthony

chapter four: trapped

cw: physical abuse

"Cute scarf, Jas," Emmy said with a smirk on her face. Jasmine had tried to choose something lightweight that wouldn't draw suspicions in the drafty back rooms of the bar they worked at, but there was no fooling Emmy. They'd been best friends since the days of wearing turtlenecks over poorly applied drugstore concealer to hide middle school hickeys from parents, and the sneaky behavior has lasted until now, to the days of scarves over chokehold welts. But when all she got back was an eye roll before Jasmine's softened eyes dropped to the floor, she knew this was different. "Hey," she said softer now, stepping around the table in the break room that kept them apart, and putting a hand on Jasmine's forearm. When the innocuous touch made her friend flinch, she knew this was nothing like she'd seen before. She crouched slightly to get a glimpse of Jasmine's hanging head and found misty eyes and pursed lips. "Hey, I'm sorry, come here."

As soon as Emmy's arms wrapped her up, all the held-back tears escaped through a crack in Jasmine's resolve and soaked her friend's shirt before she'd even realized what was happening. As soon as her own sobs overpowered the ringing in her ears, she balked and fought against her every nature to pull out of the first comfort she'd felt in days. When she'd inched away from the last warmth of Emmy's fingertips, she let her swollen eyes rise to find overflowing concern staring back at her.

"Jas, did he.. is he hurting you? That shouldn't even be... babe that shouldn't be possible and -"

"It's okay, Em," she interrupted, "he just got upset for a minute and lashed out but I promise I'm okay."

Emmy scanned her friend up and down and found a weakness she'd never seen before. Her shoulders were hunched in so her arms could wrap around to shield her middle, and even her legs were crossed inward. The dark rings under her eyes were far worse than what could be explained by even consecutive closing shifts at the bar. Emmy held out her hand on the back of the chair between them, silently hoping her friend would take it, as she took a deep breath to settle her own muddled emotions. "Jasmine, even if it was just once it is not okay, but can you honestly tell me this was the only time? Or that you aren't afraid it could happen again?"

Jasmine thought about lying, about letting everything stay the way it had been. It wasn't good, but it was certain and predictable. There would be hurt either way, and this way she could prepare herself for it. But something about the fear that narrowed her friend's eyes told her this was maybe even more serious than she realized. Her head flopped forward under the weight this dropped on her mind, and she whispered a "no" that she didn't know whether Emmy could hear. It didn't matter though, because the subconscious tears that started to spill down her cheeks told Emmy everything she needed to know.

"Jas, let's get you back to my place, okay? We can talk about a plan and make sure you're safe, and -"

"No, Em," Jasmine said, mustering her strongest possible, though still shaky voice. "I have to go home, he'll... I just have to get home. I know this is bad but I can't just abandon him if he's dealing with all this anger -"

"Jasmine, I need you to hear me, okay?" Emmy said more firmly now, squeezing her friend's hand a little tighter to make sure she held her attention. "He should not be able to hurt you. Just with your bond and everything.. it shouldn't be possible. He shouldn't want to, because no one should ever want to do that to you babe, but something is wrong, Jasmine, and I don't think it's safe for you to go back into that situation."

"But I hurt him first. I didn't want to have sex and he felt rejected, he always feels rejected by me because I'm so fucking broken I don't know how to love him."

"He is not entitled to sex, you don't have to give him something he doesn't deserve just so he feels close to you. And even if he did feel rejected, he shouldn't be able to hurt you. It should hurt him too, Jas, and he shouldn't want to do that and hurt himself too. It just doesn't make sense, and maybe that connects to whatever is missing and making it hard for you to feel anything with him."