Vampires are Real?

Prologue

I open my sketch pad as I'm sitting on the school bus, it sounds lame cause it is. It's actually a shopping list, and some cash so my mom will buy me something whenever the hell she decides to leave the house. As I look down into my dusty musty crusty purse to stuff the crinkled up shopping list in the side pocket I notice something. I have no memory of using what seems to be a box cutting knife to carve the initials "A.M." Short for Alissa Michelson, but why would anyone use my full name when there is an easier alternative. So obviously nobody says "hey Alissa!" You know cause, duh. Anyways basically I live in a country-ish area. Not that I like it here, or consider myself a cowgirl. Not gonna lie, cowboys in movies aren't too bad. Or at least in comparison to the ones I go to school with. My high school is named "Winceton High." This goes without saying but I go to public school, and am sixteen. I mean being sixteen is embarrassing, I feel like the main character of a show on Disney channel or something. When I was younger I liked a movie called 'sixteen candles.' At times I give myself main character vibes. Also being sixteen makes me sound mature. 
     The bus hits a curb and I moan, and nearly shart (sh*t-fart <3) my pants. Everyone looks at me, tears in my eyes. I start gagging but end up literally farting. How does that happen, I totally thought I was gonna shoot out vomit. Suddenly I realized I shot the wrong thing out of the wrong hole. It wasn't a fart.. 
     I start crying and since I'm in the back I take off my pants and jump out the window. Luckily not a single person notices me crawling out the window half nude. I run through the woods, and text my mom and friends goodbye for good. I can never face someone I know ever again after having diarrhea in the back of the bus. My stinky jeans are still in my seat. If people didn't already smell that old cheese stench they need to go to the hospital. Word would get around soon enough that it was my poop. How embarrassing, how did I let this happen?   
     I get a text from my mom, "I understand. I saw the facebark post." I quickly open facebark and login, my password being my ex boyfriend's name SEXYGREG. His name was Gregory and it's a good password, not that I still have feelings for him. I would change it but why would I know how to use facebark, I'm not the bad selfie taking type. I got facebark when we were dating so I could stalk my friends boyfriend. I hated that man, "Dukie." I called him Lil Caca, he had the dream of being a rapper. He is a 4'0 country boy so I don't know how that would work. Lil Caca broke up with her cause he thought he could hook up with Nicki Minaj which is totally stupid. Why would she wanna date a blonde golf player who wears a cowboy hat everywhere.
     I am proud of myself for calling him Lil Caca, because then everyone else did. Even my friend after they broke up. Also his name is Dukie how tf am I so genius. If im not mistaken dukie is what little kids call their poo. Enough talk about poop and dukie, I am still dramatically running through the woods logging into facebark because of my own caca incident.
     "Ally the poop ally!" Well first of all who would use my name in a meme. Well it works, but still the word ally in the same sentence as my name Ally is more confusing then how Donald J. Trump got elected.
     Suddenly I see a mansion, and pass out.