𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞 | 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫 ✅

6 - Space

Two Weeks LaterAugust 1738

James Fraser's POV

Jenny and me were worried about Eira. She wouldn't talk to us, and hadn't done since I had led her into the Fraser carriage after the funeral, when she had muttered only a "thank ye" to me for helping her up the step. Father was away; he would not be back for several weeks, and so I was left as Laird in his place - a title which would one day be mine, anyway.

But Jenny ran the house more than I did; Lallybroch would not have been able to function without her...

And I couldn't function without Eira.

The two years that we had been apart whilst I had been away to foster with my uncle Dougal had been painful for the both of us - a day, nay, barely an hour, had not gone by when I did not think about her. I dreamed of her almost every night; always the same dream.

Two pairs of feet in the babbling brook, and two sets of laughter. Two hands twined together, two blue eyes looking into my own, and two people who loved each other.

The memories of the dreams plagued me constantly now that I had returned to Lallybroch because I knew that as much as I loved Eira and wanted to be with her, I was not the right man for her. I was to be Laird, and I would have responsibilities - if I were to be with Eira at all, then I would want to never leave her side, and that would not coincide with my role as Laird of Broch Tuarach.

"Ye're in yer head again, aye?" Jenny asked, gently placing one of her delicate and feminine hands on my shoulder.

I startled and took several seconds to recover myself before I turned my head to look at my older sister. "That obvious, is it?"

She nodded. "Come on," she gestured to the stairs which led to the bedrooms - where Eira was. She had not left her room since we had returned home from her father's funeral, and she would not let anybody in - even her maid... instead, she had insisted on using Jenny's maid, a girl who I thought was called Theresa, but was most likely mistaken - until the previous week, I had never even seen the girl. "We'll take this up to her." It was a plate of cold meats, two bannocks and some cheese. Dinner.

I sighed, knowing that Eira would not open the door. She hadn't yet, and I doubted that tonight would be any different, though I did hope that I was wrong.

It was late; late enough that the maids had retired and the majority of candles had been extinguished, just a few were left - enough to light our way to the three bedrooms aside from the main one, my father's.

Jenny and I exchanged glances and then took a deep breath in unison. She stepped forward and knocked softly.

After a few seconds of silence, Jenny put her face a little closer to the door and called softly, "Eira? I've got some dinner here for ye if ye'd like it?"

Silence.

I tried, this time knocking a little more harshly so the sound could be heard over the crackle of the fire - the fire which I knew would be on in the bedroom because I had never known Eira not to have the fire lit in her room.

"Eira? Jenny and I have brought ye some dinner up... and father's gone to see Lord Lovat - that's our grandda."

Silence, still.

Jenny sighed, "we'll leave it outside for ye, Eira... please come out soon, we're worried about ye..." we both took a step back. Jenny knelt down and put the plate on the floor in front of Eira's door. She regained her full height and then turned to me, giving me a small shrug as if she was silently asking what else we could do.

I went and stood against the wall facing Eira's bedroom door, and then I slowly sat down, propping myself up against the fine wallpaper.

"What are ye doing?" Jenny asked me.

"I'm keeping watch -"

"But she doesna come out." Jenny pointed out in a tone that implied that what she had said was every reason not to sit about waiting for her.

"I ken that," I paused, "but when she does, I'll be here waiting."

"Jamie," Jenny frowned, "ye've got chores -"

"Ian will do them for me." He would, I knew it... especially if I told him about Eira and why I was sitting outside of her door. Ian was the only one who I had told about my infatuation with the ebony-haired beauty who had locked herself in her room, so I knew that he would understand.

"But when will ye sleep?"

"When I get tired... but I will sleep here."

"Ye canna sleep here." Jenny looked at the wooden floor, a small carpet running down the middle of the hallway. It looked uncomfortable, but I couldn't bring myself to care. She sighed, "I'll take over during the day for a bit so ye can sleep." Her tone implied that there was no debate to be had on this - she was going to take her shift, whether I wanted her to or not.

I nodded, "aye, alright. Come to me at noon."

She nodded, "I'll be up with breakfast."

One Week Later

Jenny did noon until seven in the evening, and I did the rest of the time. My arse was in a state of permanent numbness, but I had gone past the point of caring. I just wanted Eira to come out, but I had not tried to reason with her once - I knew that Jenny had during her shifts, but I had refrained.

I knew that it had to be Eira's choice.

But I was exhausted. I had never slept for more than seven or eight hours a night at Dougal's, or before I had gone to Beannachd, but I had always had decent sleep - I was not getting decent sleep, currently.

Instead, my every dream was of Eira, as they always were, but they were becoming more and more disturbing.

There was just one person with their feet in the babbling brook, now... and they were my feet.

The sound of a lock clicking jerked me awake and I realised with a stab of guilt that I had drifted off to sleep.

I looked up and saw Eira standing in the doorway to her room in her nightdress, her long black hair cascading in waves down and across her shoulders, and a tear-streaked face... but she still looked beautiful to me.

As I stood up and stumbled the short distance from door to wall, taking Eira into my arms, I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. I held her as tightly as I had done at the funeral and gently placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. Her hair smelt like smoke from the fire and fresh mint, which I knew she sometimes kept inside the cases of her pillows. She smelled so exactly like herself that it sent a stab of pain through my heart - nothing had changed with her on the outside - she still appeared to be my Eira... but on the inside, she was changed forever. She had lost two parents - I could only imagine the sorrow that she might be feeling.

"Shush," I stroked her black hair soothingly and walked her slowly backwards until her knees hit her bed and she fell down. I kept a tight grip on her, but turned her around and laid her down, pulling the blankets over her.

She was still crying.

"Ye'll never have to cry alone again," I promised her in a quiet voice as I sat on the floor, holding one of her hands between both of my own and watching her, the tears crossing her nose and falling into her pillow.

It took her several minutes to reply, but when she did, it was just three words. "I never will."

I stayed with her until she fell asleep.