A Gentleman's Promise

chapter five

Travel day had finally arrived. I was filled to the brim with excitement but was also fairly anxious as I hadn't left the house, or even the surrounding village, in so long.
Maria was very careful with my clothes. All my fashionable ones were packed safely for when we arrived. We'd picked out a nice old comfortable dress for the day and a nice thick bonnet, though it was a little outdated, as it covered my ears to hopefully keep out some of the noise of the train station. This would be the first time I'd been back on the train since my little episode nearly two years prior. Damien had informed me that if I had any episodes whilst in London then I should return straight home so he could take care of me. If I did have any I wouldn't be telling him. My sister was well adept enough at taking care of me and, besides, I was nearly 19 bloody years old and I could take care of myself!

I was so anxious the whole time I barely felt present for the journey at all, like I was watching myself move along like a puppet I had no control over. I clung to Maria the entire time like a drowning man clings to a buoy. I'm sure if I'd let go I would have drifted away from
my body never to return.

Stepping off the train, finally in London, was like being stuck by lightning and suddenly waking up. There was so much going on around me: people jostling to get off and on; bright flashes of colour on people's clothes, and the constant, never ending noise. I wanted to crumple into the pavement then and there.
"Kitty!"
A familier voice rang out through the hubbub.
"Kitty for christ sake look over here I've been stood here for half an hour waiting for you!"
Christina, my wonderful sister, stood there waving like tree in a storm. It's impressive I missed her as her bright pink dress made her rather stand out.
She grabbed my other arm, said something to Maria, and started steering me towards the doors.
"Now I can see you're a little overwhelmed so I'm not going to hug you till we get in the carriage. There's a lot less people once we get off the platform so I'll stop wheeling you once we get somewhere more open."
She was thankfully right. The entrance to the station was so much calmer though still rather noisy. She shifted her hands so she wasn't gripping me quite as tightly.
"Now that you can actually hear me I can tear you to shreds over that terrible dress! Now I know you liked the more open airy styles but this is just, well, not what a lady of your distinction should be wearing. I mean it looks like you've fallen on hard times."
She stopped suddenly and looked me dead in the face.
"Oh god he's not divorcing you is he. I mean thank the lord he was horrible but is this all you can afford? My love you know Mama would march to that man's house to make sure he unmade any decisions that harmed you -"
"Chrissy I'm not divorced. And don't be so harsh about him you know how much I love him. He says he can't afford to keep me up to date with all the changes in fashion. Besides I don't mind wearing things I've had since I was 15, they're comfortable. Though it is a little embarrassing how much I've had to patch them up."
"Maybe they'd survive longer if you didn't pick at them quite so much."
She took my arm again and squeezed it, lovingly. It felt so nice to be back with her; being back made me realise just how much I'd missed her.

Christina helped me up into the carriage first and I made myself comfortable in the corner. She squeezed in opposite me and took my hands in hers.
"Right. First of all, I've missed you so, so much and I love you lots. Second, why on earth haven't you written to me or responded to any of my letters till now? Do you know how much you worried me? I had to keep reassuring myself that letters go missing and that you didn't hate me!"
She paused to look at me.
"No, hang on why do you look so confused, what doesn't make sense, what's gone wrong here."
"Chrissy, I haven't received a single letter from you since we saw each other the autumn after I got married. I sent dozens of letters to you and mama, don't tell me you didn't receive any of them?"
Small stands of her hair bobbed about as she first looked out of the window then back at me, just as confused as I was.
"What does it matter anyways. I'm here now! You can tell me all the things I've missed."