Fix Me (A Josh Ramsay Fan-fiction)

Chapter 8

I was fast asleep when I felt Alice giggling as she lay on top of me. 

"Whats so funny" I asked her, wondering why on earth she would be laughing at this time in the morning. I realized how tightly I had been holding her against me and loosened my grip. 

"Your phone was just ringing and you didn't even wake up you goon!" she said to me. 

I reached for my phone to check and see who it was. It was my ex-girlfriend. She had been calling me non stop these past few days and I just stopped answering. I was moving on, I didn't want her anymore and it annoyed me so much that she kept calling me. 

"It was just Matt, I'll call him back later" I lied. 

Immediately I wished I hadn't lied to Ali, she didn't deserve that. I just didn't feel like bringing old girlfriends into this. She sat up and looked at me. I couldn't help but laugh because the buttons from the button-up shirt I was wearing had left indents in her face. The sun was shining through the window and it hit her face in the most beautiful way. 

"What?! What is so funny?" she asked me, looking more pannicked than she should for the circumstance. I just kept laughing and looking at her. 

"Josh you shithead whats so funny!?" she exclaimed. 

She was getting a little flustered and to be honest it was one of the most adorable things I'd seen. 

"The buttons from my shirt left little indents all over you face! Don't worry, you're still cute" I replied. 

She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted and her cheeks flushed a pale pink. My heart skipped a beat and I coudn't figure out what it was about this girl that was driving me up the wall. I was beyond intrigued by her. 

"So whats on the agenda today, button face?" I jokingly asked her. 

She stuck her tongue out at me and I was suprised to see she had it pierced. How had I not noticed that before? It suited her. She told me that some of her furniture was being delivered today and part of me prayed that her bed would somehow get lost. I wanted at least one more night with her.

I told her I was going out to get a few things and she went back to her apartment to shower. I wanted to run down the street to a little bakery that was there and get us some muffins and coffee. Lying on the couch with Alice last night a felt how thin she was. She covered it up well with her loose fitting layered shirts and cardigans, but when someone is laying on top of you its a bit more noticeable. I couldn't force her to eat but I could try and make sure she had the opportunity to eat at least something. 

I quickly showered, brushed my teeth, put on some clean clothes and hurried down the street to pick up the food. It wasn't long before I was back up in the apartment, goodies in hand and pushing open the front door to Alice's apartment. Her bags and boxes were still scattered around the living room floor. 

"Ali?!" I called out. 

I heard her rustling around in the bathroom. The door was open so I walked over and she was scrambling around, still wrapped in a towel trying to hide the fresh cuts on her left wrist. I saw the razor blade in the sink and I looked at her shocked. Her eyes were filled with tears and the pain on her face was unbearable. There was nothing I could do in that moment but walk strait over to her and squeeze her tightly. 

Suprisingly she didn't really cry. I pulled her away to look her in the face and she just stared right back up at me. Her face was pale ivory, her features softer than anyone I had ever met before. She was absolutely gorgeous. Every time I looked at her I nearly lost my breath, yet here she was mutilating herself but why? She seemed fine just half an hour ago when she skipped out the door of my apartment. The thing is I used to do the same things when everything felt like to much. I knew exactly how she was feeling and there was not a bone in my body that didn't understand. 

I lifted her arm and traced where she had cut with my finger and she shivered under my touch. 

"Promise me you won't do this again Alice" I pleaded with her. 

She used her other hand to wipe the only tear that escaped from er eye off of her face. And just stared at me, first with a puzzled look, and then sadness, and then realization. 

"I promise" she said.

"I used to do this to myself too" I said as I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up to reveal my arms. 

The scars were faint now but you could see them under the light. Alice looked at my arms and then looked back at me. 

"Its been a year since the last time I did it. I feel like such a kid. I'm sorry you keep finding me in these situations Josh. I really am sor---" 

And before I could control my behaviour my lips were crashing against hers, in the perfect sweet and soft kiss. My hands were on either side of her face and I pulled away, our foreheads touching. 

"Stop appologizing" I whispered, "I went and got us some breakfast, I'll meet you out there"

 I walked out of the bathroom so Alice could get changed. It took a few deep breaths to process what I had just done. There was no doubt in my mind that I liked her, she was beautiful, interesting, funny, but she was tortured. And how did she feel about me? Was she upset that I kissed her? Was she ever going to open up to me? Was she going to hurt herself again? 

That last question sent a stabbing pain through my chest. No. I wouldn't let her do that again. I wanted so bad to fix her. With that thought she walked into the kitchen dressed in a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of dark red skinny jeans and one of her cardigans over top. Of course. She smiled shyly at me and then looked at her feet. 

"Thanks Josh" she said.

"For what?" I asked. 

"For making me promise. I can keep promises, and thats one that needs to never be broken again. I don't like doing this to myself. To be honest I don't know why I did it really. But thank you for caring enough to make me promise. I needed that" she said. 

I walked over and hugged her tight. We stood like that for a while, and then we took the food back to my apartment and sat on the couch and enjoyed the morning in eachothers company. Something in me didn't want to let her out of my sight because she seemed pretty happy when we were together. I knew first hand that its usually how it works. Being around people is great until you're alone, and left to your own thoughts. It hurt me to think the thoughts in her head were bad enough that she would turn to a blade. I was really starting to fall for this girl. 

Soon enough some of Alice's furniture showed up and some guys brought it in for her. They hauled in some couches, a big desk, a dresser, some end tables, a bed frame but no matresses. The delivery guys told Ali that they shoud be arriving tomorrow. Excellent, that meant one more night that I could spend with the girl that was undoubtedly making my head spin.