Floating Through Life ✔️

Chapter 5

Many years later, after Abigail graduated university and started working, her parents found their way back to each other. It wasn't a shock to her for she knew that their main problem was that they feared for the deterioration of her sanity that could be a consequence of the unhealthy environment that their marriage exuded. She knew that she created a ridge in a marriage that was already broken. She also came to know that her parents were idiots for leaving each other. She came to know that while they might've lost a flame at the time, their hearts always belonged to one another. She came to know that despite their differences, their love was alike. However, she also came to know that if they hadn't broken up that they would've ended up hating each other. They were what they needed, and it was only a shame that it took them so long to notice.

Abigail shot her eyes open, startling herself, and consequently bumping her head into the window. She groaned and rubbed the spot, it was definitive that a bruise would form. She sighed, acknowledging silently that going down the road that is her parents always ended up with her shaken up. It was such an unusual path, filled with lack and inadequacies that made her feel so disoriented. It angered, saddened, and disgusted her all at once. She shrugged the feelings away as she would a heavy coat upon getting inside. She then pushed her knees closer to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She lowered her head on her knees, hugging herself, she watched the rain make its way down and went back to her reminiscing.

Her memory took her back to the first day in her new high school. She was hiding in a restroom cubicle, sobbing violently. Her shoulders shook with the amount of stress she felt. Her mascara melted down thickly  and she remembered how densely her mother applied it on her that morning. Katherine covered her daughter's face in makeup so efficiently, and Abigail felt her mother's shame so strongly that sadness flooded through her veins. Yet there she was, no amount of products or reading helped. She was an outlier, and that was all she'd ever be. It wasn't as if she was bullied, but she wasn't accepted either. She knew it was only her first day, but the loneliness that she had been feeling her entire life slammed her so strongly when her one hope of fitting in vanished.

Ab spent most of recess crying, and then the rest of it covering that up. Her pain was still clawing to get out, screaming to be released. However, she maintained it, fixed her posture, and walked out like she hadn't a care in the world. Days went on like this: crying herself to sleep, waking up so difficultly in the morning, feeling fatigued all the time, but she carried on. She went to her mom's and smiled and told her about her day, lied about making friends. Then she went to her dad's and lied some more about passing tests. She had to lie, it wasn't an option to look at the people that relinquished their marriage for her sake and tell them that she failed them once again.

Her life became a mess, and she began losing grasp of everything she deemed even remotely crucial.  Reading stopped being a source of entertainment for her and became more of a chore. Some nights, she couldn't sleep at all, and other nights it was all she could do. Moreover, her mom had recently settled and so Ab began alternating between her mother's and father's houses. Everything felt forced and she was sick and tired of waking up waiting for the time she'd go back to sleep.

The rest of the year flew in a blur of gloomy nights and days filled with anxiety. By the time it ended, she had indeed made a few acquaintances and picked up her grades a little. It was still disappointing, her hopes from the summer were shredded and constantly lying to her parents exhausted her.  She was jaded, throughout the year she pushed herself to make talk and fit in, yet nothing worth mentioning was achieved. She was genuinely trying her best, but even that wasn't enough.  Slowly, that started to chip away at her very spirit. In time, her entire being wilted.