Perranth With You

2

LORCAN

They hadn't spoken about it. Not since their conversations during the war, before their wedding.

Of course it was a sensitive topic. He would be worried if it wasn't. But he couldn't let her feel guilty.

It will hurt. Probably kill him, but they will have many more years together. And if it came down to it, he would probably die by her side, as they did everything. Together.

But for now, they will live, as Lord and Lady of Perranth. And they will be happy. She will not be guilty. Especially since she utterly and completely changed his life. Not just for her, but for him.

Her face still in his hands, he leaned forward and kissed away the tears falling down her face. Her skin was smooth and flushed under his hands. Her eyes were sad as she watched him comfort her. Or try to. He still hadn't perfected that yet.

"Guilty? For giving me everything I've dreamt of since I set eyes on you in those woods. For saving me when no one else would. For loving me like I've never been loved before. For letting me live here with you. As your husband." She closed her eyes, no longer able to meet his, so he bent his forehead to rest against hers. "No, Elide. Don't be guilty. You have nothing to be guilty for."

He held her as her chest began to shake from her light sobs. Her head rested on his shoulder. He ran his hands over her back. So delicate, yet so strong. Stronger than him, even.

His actions only led her sobs to grow stronger, so he shuffled onto her chair and lift her onto his lap, holding her until her breathing evened out, his silence the only comfort he could give her. Time to figure out what she wanted to say. And if she didn't want to speak, he was content to sit there all day.

"I can't-" she began, after what was probably a long time, "I can't think about it. I feel like I'm abandoning you. I can't hurt you, Lorcan." She took a shuddering breath.

His hands started their soothing again. "You're here, Elide. You aren't abandoning me."

"But I am. I die, you live. That's how it's going to go." Her breath hitched. They hadn't said it out loud before. But that was how it was, wasn't it? How it was always going to be.

His heart grew heavy whenever he thought about it. It hurt, particularly when he'd see her beautiful smile, her laugh that was more melodic than any music, or her peaceful face laying next to his while they slept hand-in-hand together. Or when they made love and those glorious sounds came out of her.

"Yes. That is how it will go." She looked up into his face, looking for something to hold onto to prove her point. She found nothing. "But for now, Elide, we both live. And we can pretend otherwise if that will make you feel better, but I don't think it would." She began to look away, but he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. "You are mine. I love you. It doesn't matter which one of us goes first, because I will love you then, too. And then some. So don't feel guilty, Elide. Our lives are too short to be crowded by uncertainties."

Our lives.

Because he would not live on without her.

She saw it then. What he would do when she left him. Her eyes went wide. "Lorc-"

He stopped her with a kiss to her gorgeous lips. He knew her tears started falling again, and felt like shit for letting himself be the cause of them, but if she opened up to him, he could do the same too.

"Please, Lorcan. Don't do that," she whispered against his lips.

"I can't live on without you, El. Please don't ask me to."

Her hand came up to cup his face, it was her turn to kiss him now.

They sat there holding each other for who knows how long, until she finally said, "I would spend a thousand years with you if I could." A small smile. "And then some."

It was then that Lorcan decided that he would find a way.