about me!+stories from my past/present life MAYBE VERY TRIGGERING!! JUST WARNING

new book explanation

ok so I recently posted a book basically saying shit like "ima kill myself" and it got my crush and one of my other friends upset but there is a extremely important reason for it... if you havent please!!! read the story first so you understand

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT MENTIONS, HEARING VOICES, HALLUCINATIONS, ABUSE, RAPE, SELF HARM, SWEARING, DEATH, 

so ever since I was about 5 or 6 my mom raped me with sex toys and strap sex and my dad left when I was 3 or 4 because my mom didnt do any work and was semi abusov when drunk but she never got drunk it was occasional but after my dad left she drank more and more every day for two years until it was just a routine I go to school, my mom goes to the bar, we get home around the same time, she beats until almost death, I cry and run to either the bathroom to clean up or my bedroom to sleep until the next day where I would have to go back to school with sore ass ribs.... im 13 now and it still happens do online class, get beat to death, get raped, then go days even months without eating or sleeping I get abused and raped by my mom, stepdad,stepbro,brother who all fuck at like 12am to 4am right beside my room and our walls are as thin as fucking ice so I hear everything even when they talk shit about me I hear it 

back to when I was 5-6yrs old a couple months later my grandpa passed from natural causes and I was very very close to him... at the funeral I saw him- his ghost I saw his ghost walking around but he was younger and I knew it was him cuz he started talking and he had his old person voice I told my bio dad who ended up coming to my moms dads funeral he told me that we'll get it checked out and my mom said she didnt believe me ever since then I hear dead peoples old voices and saw their young version ghost it scared me for life and yes it still happens tho I havent heard anyone for about 2 months which I found weird but I do see people who now have some color... its scary 

a couple years later 6-7 yrs old I was still being raped, abused, and heard voices and saw ghosts but the voices turned into self hate and I let it get to me and started cutting my arms with the same knife I have today this still happens my bio dad got half custody of me and my mom got half as well which I hated and still hate cuz she's a bitch 

around 8 yrs old I had enough and grabbed some rope, a chair, and a hook and hung myself and nearly died causing me to be in a coma for like 3 months of which I went back and tried again only this time jumping off the local bridge I was in a coma til I was 91/2 years old it making It be a year at least that I was in the coma 

at 9 out of coma I had everything going on this was just a repeat of everything 

at 10-13 the same shit happened over and over again but Its gotten worse and worse 

that's why I posted that book and ima keep updating it every day also I let my emotions take over and I rarely do so it felt weird .... love you all so very much stay safe your valid remember that and good night or day!! <3 <3 :) :) :) :)