Statement of Lars Petersson regarding the song Caramelldansen by the europop band Caramell.
Look, I'm not crazy, you probably took one look at what I was writing about but I promise I'm not insane.
This thing happened.
And I don't know why.
I'm scared.
I can't sleep.
I can't close my eyes.
It's all I can hear.
But I should explain, right? Well, a few weeks ago I moved here from Sweden, the place was cheap, I didn't ask why, the old owners seemed to want to leave as soon as possible. It didn't matter to me at the time.
Nonetheless, it was my third night in the place when I noticed it, I was walking through the hallway when I saw a door at the far end.
Bright yellow.
Or was is orange? Or purple? Or green? Or chartreuse? I can't remember. I can't think.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
As I walked towards it I heard it.
"Caramelldansen"
I was confused, naturally. But now, it won't fucking leave.
Every time I think it's gone, it starts again.
Every time I close my eyes I see flashing colours. Yellow, blue, chartreuse, orange, green.
I listened to the song ONCE.
WHY IS IT STILL HERE?
HELP ME.
FUCKING HELP ME.
SOMEONE PLEASE
IT WON'T FUCKING STOP.
I WANT IT TO STOP.
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
Supplemental: Lars then left abruptly, humming a tune and singing a string of vocables incessantly. He was later found dead in his apartment, soundproofing on every inch of bare space. Neighbours had called the police with several noise complaints.
