White Teeth Teens

10. Pure Heroine

After school on Thursday, I spot Dad's sedan out front and I stroll over to it, hoping my nonchalant attitude attracts zero attention. I can't wait to have my own car. Dad puts down the window as I approach and I can hear him take in a deep breath.

"NO DAD!" I lightly shout as I climb into the car. He thinks it's funny to shout out the window to me like a wacko. It didn't bother me that much at Scofield because the school was too big to keep track of each other. An embarrassing Dad one afternoon during school pick-up was quickly forgotten before the next morning bell.

"Nice to see you too!" he says sarcastically.

We stay silent for the rest of the drive. Luckily, Dr. Moran is in Canton, which is only twenty minutes away. Dad comes inside with me and sits in the waiting room looking at his iPad. I haven't been here for a few months now, since I convinced my parents I was all better. I convinced myself I was too, because moving to an entirely new place took up so much space in my brain that I didn't have time to think about the night with Jess's brother.

The linen smell from the plug-in air freshener hasn't changed and there are still tissue boxes beside every chair. The little white noise machine sits right beside the door into Dr. Moran's office and feeds out a sound like never-ending wind. Dr. Moran opens the office door and gives me a warm smile. Before I can move, Dad stands up and requests a few minutes alone with Dr. Moran first.

I clench my jaw and sink back into my seat for another five minutes.

"Come on in, Rory," Dr. Moran says.

I brush past Dad and plop onto the leather couch while Dr. Moran sits across from me in an armchair.

"It seems like you've been doing well since we went up to fifty milligrams of the Zoloft. But with the move you've been having some difficulties? I can't blame you for feeling more stressed after starting a new school. I was worried when we hadn't rescheduled out last appointment."

I trace the leather stitching of the armrest with my finger. "Yeah, I got busy."

"So what's been going on?"

Something about Dr. Moran makes her really easy to talk to. Maybe it's not Dr. Moran but just the fact that I'm in a room with a semi-stranger who I can vent to and know that she can't tell my parents anything about it. During our first session, I broke down in tears and told her every last detail about the night with Jess's brother. It felt like someone had removed a metal jacket off my back. It felt like I could breathe again.

I tell her everything that's happened since the start of school. Ending with the incident in the cafeteria. She sits there and nods, occasionally squinting one eye and making the "hmm" noise.

"How do you feel about your brothers knowing what happened?"

"Safe."

She seems surprised by my answer, and how quickly I said it. "Can you expand on that?"

"I thought they would be ashamed of me or do something stupid like trying to find Jess's brother. But they told me it was okay." Tears form in my eyes.

"How's it been since then?"

I tell her that Dean covered for me and I stopped being friends with those girls but it's okay because I found new friends.

"That's wonderful, Rory!" praises Dr. Moran. "How's your relationship with Logan?"

"Logan stopped talking to me completely after Monday."

"Do you think he could be hurt and confused because of the trauma you went through? Perhaps he's sharing your pain?" Dr. Moran's question makes my head spin. I never thought of Logan caring that much about my problems.