Who to Trust?

Ch 10 - Who can I Trust? - Fin

Previously on Who to Trust?

I could see both old and new scars. I looked up at Corpse's face. He was looking anywhere but at me. I reached up and grabbed a hold of his chin, noticing the light stubble he had under my hand from not shaving this morning. I pulled his head so that he was looking straight at me. I could see that tears were pooling in his eyes and I felt some pooling in my own.

"Why?"

~=Corpse=~

I took an involuntary step back. How did she know?

"Corpse... roll your sleeves up, show me your arms". How the fuck did she know? The muscles in my arms, legs and core all became taught, not allowing even an iota of movement. My eyes locked with Lexi's as she slowly began walking towards me. The soft padding of her bare feet on wood boomed in my skull. It was around this time that it dawned on me just which bathroom she used. The bathroom. The room that I do my deeds. My... penance.

I was brought out of my thoughts as I felt her grab a hold of my arm. It wasn't the arm that had suffered the brunt of my self-destructive actions. I watched as she pulled the sleeve up, exposing the unmarked skin. I was numb again. I didn't even register that I couldn't feel the sleeve being dragged up my arm. I couldn't feel her delicate grip anymore. A very distinct shiver tore down my spine, making me feel very cold all of a sudden.

I listened as she breathed a low sigh of relief. I just had to keep her from checking the other arm. I moved it, ever so slightly out of her view. But that was how I fucked up. She saw it. Of course, she saw it. Before I could register what was happening, I had already stepped backwards, away from her grasp. Fuck. 'Cause that doesn't look suspicious, does it? Well, there wasn't anything stopping this from happening, so I let her take hold of the appendage. Our eyes locked as she moved the sleeve out of the way. I didn't need to fight a wince. I couldn't feel anything. I could only watch as Lexi broke eye contact and looked at my arm. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I could see Lexi suddenly standing a couple of feet away. I could see Lexi talking to me. I could see Lexi once again by my arm, inspecting the physical representation of my damaged mind. Like a fog lifting, I could hear her almost panting as she looked into my eyes once more. I couldn't look her in the eye. Not with what she knows. But yet again, she thwarted my plans and pulled my head back to look at her.

"Why?"

Why? Why not? The thought wasn't my own. It honestly scared the shit out of me. I kept staring into Lexi's eyes as I pondered the question. There wasn't a single answer to it.

You're a failure. You hurt everyone around you. Just... I couldn't keep looking her in the eyes, I turned away once again, looking anywhere but her. Kill... When I didn't hear her say anything, I tried to meet her gaze. She's going to hate me. She's going to be disgusted. She'll never talk to me again. Yourself!

We locked eyes. Yet, her gaze held nothing of what I was expecting, but rather... understanding. Sympathy. Sadness. I couldn't bear to look at it any longer. I pulled away from her, intent on leaving the room, but again, she interrupted that plan as well. She began pulling her tracksuit pants down before an argument could even form in my mind. It wasn't the fact that she had not worn underwear because they'd been drenched by the ocean. It wasn't that she was exposing her most sacred area to me.

No.

It was the few, but clearly visible lines that marred her perfect skin on her inner thigh, right next to her core. I subconsciously reached out to touch it before holding back. She obviously wouldn't appreciate me touching her around there. Neither of us said anything, just staring at each other. She had long since pulled her pants up, our eyes locking once again. She was being stubborn. So was I. But I knew that she needed this... Hell, so did I.

I took the first step forward, yet she dashed forward the other three and crashed into my chest, a sob wracking her body. My arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding her close. Was she always this small? This... fragile? The thought was fleeting, it came and went. The severity of the situation was never lost on me, I'm just great at suppressing things.

But not tonight. Tears started pooling in my eyes, my vision growing hazy. A lump in the throat formed quickly and never left. I slowly guided us to my bed and picked her up, her legs automatically wrapping around my waist as I sat, then laid down, her legs unwrapping again before intertwining with my own. We laid together on the soft surface of the bed for the better part of an hour, just crying until no more tears came forth. We stayed there, embracing each other, never once letting go. The front of my hoodie having become wet with salty tears long ago.

She's hurting. Just like me.

"Lex'" I couldn't feel the usual rumble my voice usually made within my chest. I kept staring up at the ceiling as I felt her chest expand, getting ready to talk.

"I know what it's like. I.... I gave it a go, not too long ago. But I regret it. I almost did it again because of how much I hated myself for doing it in the first place. I..." another sob tore through her body as tears began streaming down her face once more. "I've always lived with stress, but over the past year, it's been unbearable. I always have to be perfect otherwise I just get blasted by the internet. I'm always in the spotlight. I'm always supposed to be the perfect little streamer girl that has a perfect life. But my life isn't fucking sunshine and rainbows". She was spilling her heart and soul right in front of me. I squeezed just a little tighter in our hug, my lips tugging upwards slightly as I felt her squeeze back.

I decided I wasn't going to talk about her problems. We were venting to each other. Not getting counselling. "I'm a failure. Always have been. Every relationship I've been in has crashed and burned. My friends turn their backs on me. I don't trust anyone anymore. Who can I trust? No one. Just when I thought I was getting close to you, I go ahead and hurt you. Like I always fucking do. When I cut myself, I pictured myself as paying for the pain I've caused others. It gave me a... horrifying sense of pleasure as the pain would spread around my body." I kept talking. She kept talking. I don't know exactly how long we were talking for, but we just kept exchanging reasons why we hated ourselves and our lives. Not once did we try to contradict each other. Not once did we try to offer advice or solutions. We just listened.

And it was amazing.

"Corpse?" I shifted my eyes and lock with her own, our heads mere inches apart, having grown closer over the hours. "You... you can trust me..." She must have seen the doubt in my eyes. I had just gone on a multi-hour rant about how I can't trust anyone. Instead of outright shooting her down, I decided to hear her out.

"How?"

I was expecting her to go on and on about our friendship and that she'd never betray me. But she always had a habit of surprising me. She quickly closed the distance between us and pressed her lips against my own. Our tongues subconsciously getting involved not long after. Our bodies didn't move. Our arms or legs didn't move. Just our lips. The intimate act of just kissing prevailed for a few minutes before we finally broke apart, lips swollen and eyes full of lust and... something more.

"You ask who to trust..."

She pressed her lips against mine again. I could feel her pouring her heart into the searing kiss. My walls started crumbling in her presence and all but demolished them when she kissed me.

I was falling for this girl.

Her body on top of mine. Her lips against mine. Her arms holding me tight. It felt right.

I was falling hard.

We broke apart for a moment before leaning in for another few kisses and separated once more. I bowed my head, our foreheads touching, our eyes never leaving each other. I was content.

She gave me one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen on a woman. My heart fluttered at the simple act.

"Trust me".

~Fin~