Choosing to Live

"I am bipolar." I remember when my mother was first diagnosed. She seemed almost relieved to say those words. Now she had a reason why things were not working out for her as she had hoped. However, those words never sat well with me.

"I am bipolar." Why would she ever let someone limit her in such a way? Bipolar is a mental illness, a misfiring of the brain. If she had cancer would she say, "I am cancer."? No. Why? Because cancer is something you have, not something you are. So why when told you have a mental illness would you let it define you.

She is not bipolar. She a writer who had her essay published in Gender Lines Magazine. At forty-three she graduated Magna Cum Laude from LaSalle University. She is a daughter, a mother, a sister, a good friend. My mother is beautiful, funny, creative. She is all these things and so much more. Way more than this illness she has. I refuse to allow her to define herself by it.

Every time she says, "I am bipolar." I say, "No, you have bipolar disorder. It is not who you are." And she smiles a grateful smile. If I have to tell her every day, I will because I refuse to let her define herself in a way that does not truly express the wonderful woman she is.

Knowing I'm prone to depression, my mother one day gave me sage advice. "Charity," she said, "you will always have these feelings. They may never go away, but you have a choice to make. You can either choose to exist through life or you can choose to live it, but the one thing you can't do is both."

Wise words from a woman who knew and understood truly what I was feeling and experiencing. Seeing her example my choice was clear. Every day I choose to live. Life will not always go my way. I may even have more bad days than good, but what matters most is what do I do with those days. I celebrate the good and I smile through the bad. I've gotten so good at this that very few people know and are surprised to learn I struggle with depression.

Life is meant to be lived. There will be pain, there will be suffering, but there will also be love and joy. If I did not experience the first, I doubt I would have the appreciation I have for the second. 

So remember, you are more than your illness. You are strong. You have walked through the darkest of days and you've survived to come out the other side. Your life is waiting for you. Let no one limit you or label you. You too can choose to live. Truly live the best life you can, whatever that means to you. Only you can define it. Only you can define you.