I woke up and was about to get ready to leave to go and see Helena we hadn't moved in together yet but I did spend a lot of time at her house as I missed her so much.
I got out of bed and the same as most of not every morning I went to my full length mirror and stared at myself in disgust I looked at every little detail on my body and somehow managed to find a new insecurity every time.
Today all I could focus on was my belly it just looked bloated and I thought it looked too big I always wanted a flat stomach but never had that privilege (just a reminder this is y/n thoughts that's not actually true and you don't have to have a flat stomach it's literally impossible).
I left the mirror my head still full of thoughts about my body and went to pick out an outfit and finally started driving to helenas house. We didn't live far from each other maybe a 10 minute drive so that was good.
I got there and went straight to the door waiting for Helena to answer and she did almost immediately, I pulled her into a tight hug and gave her a small kiss as she invited me in and told me that she was just trying to organise a few things, I went and helped her and we spent a few hours together organising and talking.
I decided to make dinner for helena as she was usually the one who cooked because I wasn't the best chef but I found a pasta recipe that looked amazing so I made that and then me and Helena ate and then we were both tired after organising all day so we headed to her bedroom.
I didn't sleep at helenas house often because she had the kids a lot and I didn't think it was fair to them but they with with Tim all weekend so Helena invited me to sleep over and I gladly accepted he offer.
"Y/n I'm just going to hop in the shower I'll be 2 minutes you can grab some of my pyjamas to wear if you want" Helena called from the bathroom "alright love thank you" I replied.
I made my way over to her wardrobe where she had a section for her pyjamas and I chose some for the both of us and took my clothes off to put my pyjamas on but caught a glance of myself in the mirror seeing my belly again but this time it was even more bloated after all the food I'd eaten today I was so focused on the mirror that I didn't even notice Helena was standing watching me from the bathroom door with a sad look on her face.
I ended up putting my pyjamas on and getting into bed and soon after was joined by Helena we started watching a movie. "are you ok sweetheart ?" She asked with the most caring voice "yeah I'm fine love are you alright ?" I asked slightly confused at her sudden question "yes darling just checking" she said smiling.
We finished the movie and we cuddled she wrapped her arms around my stomach and I suddenly felt nervous because all I could think about was my stomach and what if she could feel how big it was and I started panicking a bit Helena noticed my breath hitch slightly she was very attentive to things like that she looked at me furrowing her eyebrows I said nothing at first and then "hey hellie um nothing personal but would you mind if we didn't cuddle tonight ?" I said worried that I'd offend her "of course y/n is everything alright ?" She asked looking deeply into my eyes "oh yeah everything fine" she looked at me as if to say that she didn't believe me and she was about to ask more questions when I interrupted "I um I'm tired so goodnight hellie sorry again" I said smiling at her she smiled back sadly and we both fell asleep.
I woke up and decided that it would be nice to make Helena breakfast in bed so I took my pyjamas off to change into some clothes and without even thinking I went to the mirror and stared sadly picking out every little detail as usual.
"Y/n" a small voice appeared which made me jump a little and put my clothes on slightly rushed "yeah hellie ?" I asked "why do you keep doing that ?" She questioned "doing what ?" I answered genuinely confused by her question "yknow looking in the mirror when you get changed and always looking disappointed" she stated "oh I well I umm I don't know I didn't even notice I was doing it" I said laughing a little trying to change the subject "but why do you look disappointed when you see yourself ?" Helena asked concerned "cause I- I don't like myself I'm ugly and my stomach is horrible and bloated and everything just ugly" I sighed she looked at me with confusion and worry on her face "y/n what the hell are you talking about you're beautiful and every single detail of you're body and face and personality and everything else is absolutely perfect ok ?" She said "thank you hellie but I-" she cut me off immediately "not buts you're incredible and is that why you didn't want to cuddle ?" She asked "oh um yeah sorry hellie I know you love cuddles" I said "you don't have to apologise don't be daft" she said giggling "but I would like some cuddles now" she said I wasn't quite sure wether she was asking me for cuddles or ltelling me but either way i hoped back into bed with her and we cuddled and she kept making small comments about how pretty and perfect I am which made me feel better.
We cuddled all morning and she made sure to compliment me plenty throughout the day "I love you my perfect princess" she said smiling pulling me into what felt like the 100th hug that day (not that I was complaining) "I love you too hellie" I said tightening the hug.
Sorry I know this chapter isn't great but I'm super tired and it's currently 4am and i haven't slept much for the past few weeks so if there's any typos or mistakes or something doesn't make sense I'm sorry but I just wanted to get something out hope you're all having a good day/night :) xx
