To Not Let Go

Chapter Twenty Seven

         Renne was just about finished with a buffet breakfast the next morning when she heard keys in the front door. Excited, she knew it was Swayde. Stepping away from the stove where she had bacon cooking, Renne went to the front door to greet her boyfriend. 

       Swayde walked into his house, his head hung low, looking like hell froze over. "Hey." He greeted Renne flatly, tossing his suit coat and cowboy hat on the couch next to him. Slipping out of his boots, he left them sitting messily on the floor of the living room entryway. Walking to her, Swayde placed a cold, dry kiss on Renne's forehead before following her into the kitchen, where he tossed his truck keys onto the kitchen island, shrugging out of his white button up shirt, which he also left on the kitchen island, beside his keys. 

          Renne wanted so badly to go to him, to hold him, talk to him, comfort him, but she wasn't sure she would know what to say if she did try talking to him. Instead, she just continued to watch him as he started undressing, lifting his white undershirt off his exhausted body, holding it in his hand. "I'm going to go take a shower." Swayde announced, his voice flat and monotone. He still hadn't made eye contact with her once since walking in. 

         Renne couldn't help it; she stood next to him, placing a hand on his forearm, making Swayde turn to her. Standing on her tip toes, Renne placed a kiss on Swayde's unwelcoming lips. Releasing her comforting hold on him, she allowed him to continue his trek to his bathroom. Watching him as he walked, his feet seemed to drag, like he was more or less sliding across the floor, not walking. Worry flooded her for Swayde. When her sister had passed, Renne had been struck with grief this same way, and she had seen how it was hard for Swayde to know what to do in those moments. Renne thought that with her having gone through the death of her sister, and seeing how others helped her through it, that she would have a better idea how to comfort Swayde, but for some reason she was at a loss. Never in her whole life that she knew Swayde had she ever seen him like this. It truly broke her heart. 

         Seeing him like this made Renne wonder if he acted the same way when she left him for Montana, to start a new life. Surely not, since Renne wasn't dead, just...gone. But, Renne knew in her heart that she was Swayde's one and only love, and her leaving was like losing a loved one. For all he knew, she could have been dead, especially since she cut everyone of. The reminder of the mistake she made pained her. At the time, Swayde had pleaded with her to not leave, to just let him explain, but she was so hurt and angry from years of being lied to, years of everyone telling her that one day they would find who killed her parents, years of Swayde keeping it all from her, that instead of hearing his side of the story, she just left. It was a decision that helped Renne to grow, and start fresh, but in the end, it hurt more people than herself. 

         Taking in a deep breath, Renne shut off the stovetop, so the bacon wouldn't burn. Grabbing Swayde's white dress shirt from the kitchen island, she walked into the living room, hanging up his cowboy hat and putting his boots back on the rack, before picking up his suit coat, and taking it, and his dress shirt into his bedroom. The shirt and jacket were very wrinkled, and had a slight odor to them, telling Renne that Swayde had slept in this clothes, and hadn't taken a shower since he left yesterday morning. There was a stain on the shirt that Renne recognized quickly. Beer. Her jaw tightened, hoping it wasn't a stain from Swayde drinking, that perhaps he got drunk and spilled his beer on himself. No, Swayde didn't get drunk, he doesn't drink like that. But then again, these last few days, Renne had seen a side of her boyfriend that she had never seen before, so anything was possible. 

             Grabbing two empty hangers from Swayde's closet, Renne hung the shirt and suit coat up on his closet door, reminding herself to take them to the dry cleaners on her next trip into town. Making her way back into the kitchen, Renne started a pot of coffee for her and Swayde. She had started their breakfast this morning with faith that Swayde was coming home this morning. Yesterday when he had called, he didn't mention when he would be coming back, just that he would be home. Even if he hadn't come home until supper time, there would at least be homemade pancakes and bacon for tomorrow morning.