Love you, Goodbye

Part 3

Third POV

"I'm home," Jho exclaimed, shockingly home early, for the first time in a long time. Just as to how she finally gave half the day for her partner earlier.

Bea was playing on her xbox, holding on to the controller way too hard.

She's upset.

Jho looked at her, curious as to why her wife is ignoring her.

As if on cue, Bea decided to speak up without removing her eyes from the game.

"I thought you'll be home late," she said through her teeth.

Bea tried to breathe in and out deeply to avoid snapping at her wife. After all, even if they are the only one's who gets into their space, she still hopes that the pregnancy test she saw was not from her wife.

"I'm just... really trying to give more time na for us," she answers.

There is no doubt, Jho already sensed that something wrong is going on and it may be about her.

Bea nodded and paused her game.

"I'll heat up the food for you," she stood up, still avoiding the set of eyes she loved the most.

Jho quickly blocked her and hugged her tight.

Bea would've reciprocate the warm hug she's been waiting to receive again, for months, yet she ironically felt betrayed.

Pulling away a little bit, Jho tried to kiss her, but Bea did not move along.

It did not feel right anymore.

Jho still tried to continue the kiss, but Bea gently pushed her away.

"Jho," she sighed, but Jho shook her head and hugged her again, tightly.

"Don't" Jho said.

That got Bea snap inside.

"Don't what, Jho? Don't start because you don't like na may umaaway sa'yo? Gusto mo makisama ako sa'yo ngayon just because you suddenly want to change things para 'bumawi'? Really, Jho? Bumabawi ka ba o guilty ka lang?" She finally said.

"Guilty? What... What do you mean?" Jho said, scared as tears are starting to form in her eyes.

"Jho..." Buntong hininga ulit ni Bea.

"Where have you been lately?" She continued, trying not to break down because of the pain she holds. She already knows the truth, given how scared Jho looks right now.

"Bea... please, can we... Let's talk about this later?" her wife begs, but she's not having any of it.

"Bakit ilang buwan ka nang busy sa work? Ano oras ka na umuuwi. I explain mo lang naman sana, Jho. Explain mo para hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga na parang aso na iiwan mo lang dito. Asawa mo ako eh, pero iba na trato mo. So tell me, ano 'yung totoo?" 

"Bea..." Jho couldn't speak.

Bea pulled away and grabbed the stick she found earlier.

"This," Bea said with disgust in her voice. 

"I found this in the trash earlier." She threw it on the counter beside Jho.

"Is it yours?" She asked, still hoping Jho would say no.

Jho still continued to be mute, while Bea looked at her waiting for an answer.

But she already got it when Jho sobbed in her tears.

"I... I am sorry. Hindi ko naman sinasadya..."

Bea laughed bitterly.

She looked at Jho. She wanted to shout, she wanted to break things inside the condo, but she couldn't move and just looked at her wife.

"I wasn't enough?" Bea asked.

Jho ran to hug her and shook her head no, but Bea tried to push her off again.

Jho only hold on tighter.

"Please... I don't know if I will still be able to hug you like this."

Bea stopped pushing her away and let her wife have it.

She knows that Jho is right, this might be the last time.

She let them sit at their couch, as Jho refuse to let go.

They were just in that position for minutes.

Jho was sobbing in their embrace.

She felt guilty and disappointed in herself.

"I did not know it will go this far," she finally broke the silence.

"Kailan pa?" Bea asked, whispering back.

"Nung umalis ka ng isang buwan to arrange things sa Cebu," Jho answered, balling herself to Bea. Scared as a baby.

"So 8 months na." Bea said with pain and anger in her voice.

"Hindi...Hindi ko sinasadya Bea, but at that time, nalulugi na ako. He was there, sabi niya tutulungan niya lang ako to gain more clients, and it's true. We became good friends and colleagues, kaso umabot kami sa relationship na hindi dapat namin ginawa," she explained, no longer trying to hide her truth.

"Pero ginawa niyo pa rin. Tinuloy niyo pa rin," Bea said, hugging Jho tightly. She is in too much pain.

Jho nodded, more tears falling down as they cry together.

"I became weak," Jho blamed herself.

They continued to be quiet once again, only hearing their sobs.

"Please don't leave me," Jho begged, yet once again for that night.

"I love you," she continues.

Usually, Bea would love to hear that phrase, but it just hurt her more now that she heard once again after the truth she finally received.

"What about him?"

"Tinapos na namin ang lahat," Jho replied quickly.

"Sino nagtapos?" Bea asked.

"He did," Jho answered hesitantly.

Bea squeezed her eyes shut hearing it.

'So the guy did not want the kid, kaya andito siya sa harap ko begging me not to leave her too.' Bea thought.

"Binalak mo pa ba aminin 'to sa akin? Naisip mo bang mahal mo ako sa tuwing sa kanya ka na pala nanlalambing?" Bea stated, not waiting for an answer.

"Maghiwalay muna tayo," She finally closed the discussion.

Jho would try to complain, but she knows that Bea was right.

"I... I can move out." Jho said.

"No, you stay here. I can find a place." Bea started to move while Jho does not have any energy left to try and beg again.

"Don't worry about the place, I'll continue to pay my part." Bea continues as she get her car keys and walk up to the front door.

Jho panicked but she still can't move a single bone in her body. She felt as if she lost everything already.

And it was all her fault.

"Thank you, Jho. Take care for youself and the baby."

Jho wanted to stop her.

"I love you,"

But it was too late before she can hear her wife say...

"Goodbye."