little do you know // niall horan au

chapter 20; cheating

Mona drifted through the days aimlessly.

She tried not to feel anything. Not when Harlow continued to ignore her existence. Not when Liam arbitrarily gave them updates on what Niall was up to. Not when Zayn tried to wheedle her into talking about her feelings.

It was easier that way, going through life without thinking much of anything, without letting her emotions take over her mind. She realized, numbly, one day that she was reverting back to her old ways, before New York, before Niall. And she didn't even care.

And everything was fine. She was fine. She wasn't in pain. Her chest gave a dull throb every now and again whenever she thought of Niall, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Really. She was fine.

Until one day she was sitting on her couch—Harlow was still tutting under her breath whenever Mona was in the same room but Mona would be damned if she let Harlow make her uncomfortable in her own apartment, which she paid half the rent for after all—scrolling mindlessly through her social media when she saw him. Someone had recently tagged him in a few photos and she stopped short at the sight of them, her heart skipping a beat in her chest.

He looked...happy. There was that sunshine smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around his mother's shoulders from behind her. Maura was smiling too, and upon closer inspection she realized that they were laughing at something happening out of the frame. They were wearing jackets and the scenery behind them was breathtaking, all green hills and a vast sea. But Mona only had eyes for one person.

She couldn't help the way she smiled back at him, through the photo. He was gorgeous, with his cheeks tinged pink with what she presumed to be the cold and his entire being glowing in the sunshine. He looked happy. And she was happy, just looking at him, caught in this moment. She was happy, because he was okay, because he was surrounded by his family, because he wasn't hurting.

Or at least that was what it looked like in the photo.

"Hey," came a voice from behind her as hands pressed onto her shoulders. She didn't flinch because she knew who it was. Harry'd taken to checking in on her every few hours or so, whether it was a nudge to the side or an offer of a mug of something warm. She appreciated him for it, but wished he wouldn't worry over her. After all she was fine. Right? When she looked up at him, his eyes were trained on her phone, a small grin on his face. "He looks like he's having fun, yeah?"

He rounded the corner of the sofa to plop down next to her. "Yeah," she breathed out, looking back down at the photo. She trailed her finger along his radiant smile, wishing she could just absorb some of his happiness through her fingertips. "He does."

She looked at Harry again, a tiny smile on her face, but when his grin faltered, she realized it must have looked pained. Because her heart was starting to throb in her chest again, the hurt leaking out of it and oozing out into the rest of her. She was not fine anymore.

"I know you miss him," Harry said gently, and he was looking at her sadly now. "You can talk to me about it, y'know."

Her face was beginning to heat up, her fingers going numb. She was starting to feel that familiar sting along her lash line just as she opened her mouth to say something. She glanced at the photo of Niall and Maura and then looked at Harry again, shaking her head slowly, trying to smile through the pain. "I can't," she whispered, voice thick with what she knew were inevitable tears. "Because it hurts. So. Bad."

"Aw, Mo," Harry murmured softly, gathering her into his arms just as the first breathy sob involuntarily left her mouth and she pressed her fingers to her lips as if she could stop it. Hot tears started to drip down her face and she was starting to feel like she won't be able to breathe with all the sobs building up in her chest. She tried to hold her breath to stop them, tried to clamp her eyes shut to prevent the tears from spilling out, but Harry noticed and simply patted his hands against her spine, whispering, "It's okay. You'll feel better if you let it all out."