Broken pieces | dnf

13 - Am I to blame?

Trigger warning - Mentions of death throughout and suicide. Also some use of curse words.

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POV Dream

The nurse approached us, my heart was sinking even further then I thought was possible. If only I had been a good friend non of this would have happened. If only I hadn't been a dick. I tried to wipe the tears stains off my face but they wouldn't go. It was if this moment had to be permanently burned into me. The nurse seemed to be moving in slow motion why couldn't this moment just hurry up and pass. I had to know what had happened to George if he was going to make it. I needed him to make it, how could I live without him.

I turned to face Sapnap just to be met with another tear stained face. I felt like screaming just telling the world to hurry up. I could bare it anymore. George had to be alive there were no other options. Unless he wasn't. What if he was dead? Had I killed him? Was I to blame for his death? A rush of intrusive thoughts filled my head as panic started to course through my body. I started to tremble as the nurse continued to approach us, until she finally was stood in front of us. My world started to darken I saw stars flash before my eyes. I felt a hand on my back which bought me back to the room and the moment. I turned to face Sapnap once more he gave me an encouraging smile but it was more like a wince of pain.

Suddenly time speed up as the nurse explained to us what had happened, but I wasn't really listening it was all just medical words. Words which I didn't care about, she could be speaking French for all I knew. I wish she would just hurry up and get to the point. Was there anything left of George for me to see, for me to hug and to hold.

It felt like an age until she got to the points I actually wanted to hear. If George was okay or was he gone for good? My vision started to blur as tears started to fill my eyes once again. For fuck sake why can't I pull myself together for just a few minutes. Once again I felt the reassuring hand on my back. I took a deep breath as the nurse continued to talk. 

'He's stable for now, but it could change at any moment' she began. Tears were now falling quickly down my face as relief started to fill my body. He wasn't dead! I felt like I could scream it from every roof top. He's going to be okay, isn't he. 'He was very lucky a few minutes later and I don't think this would have been such good news, but this is not over yet' the nurse continued to say. 'You can follow me now and come and see him'.

The nurse start to walk away. I started following her, almost in a daze, tripping over my own feet as I walked. I couldn't believe that he was okay, I had been so ready to say good bye, to have to blame myself and force myself to live in agony. We reached the door to the room which George was in, I froze in my tracks this was it. Who knows what state he would be in and how he would react to seeing me. I heard a sniffle behind me and turned to see Sapnap stood behind me, tears streaming down his cheeks, barely holding himself together. I held my arms open to him. We embraced preparing ourselves to walk through the door in front of us.

POV Sapnap

I pushed the door open and stepped into the room. What was before me horrified me and chilled me to the bone. Georges almost lifeless body lay on the bed in front of us. He was unmoving his eyes closed, he looked both in agony but so peaceful, as if he was ready to give up. I took a step forward my body compelling my feet to move forward. If only I had called the ambulance faster if only I had called dream to break down the door faster, maybe we wouldn't even be here. Maybe we could have stopped him from doing this to himself. If only I had just kept dream away from him this wouldn't have happened at all. He would never have walked into that bathroom ready to take his life.

Guilt filled me as I stared at his seemingly life less body. Tears fell fast down my cheeks as my whole body shook, but I had to be strong for dream at least, I don't know how he was going to make it through this. I turned to look at him. His face was crumpled up in what could only be pain as his whole body was racked with sobs as he started to fall to the ground, almost in slow motion. I ran to him catching him before he hit the floor. I held him as his emotions took over. If only George could see him now, he would be able to see how much Dream really did care for him and the guilt of what happened was destroying him.

I looked back up to George, as I did I saw his eyes flicker. The only sign of life coming from him. I ran from Dream to Georges side. Calling for George to answer. I was so sure that I had seen movement behind his eyes. There was no answer. My body slumped against the wall as the events of the day started to catch up with me, as I felt my eye lids start to become heavy and I sank into the chair next to me.

POV Dream

I had seen Sapnap run to George. Calling out to him saying that he had seen his eyes flicker. I dragged myself off the floor and started to move towards George. Clutching onto the bed as support to hold myself up as my body continued to shake for the panic which was flowing through my veins. I reached his head as Sapnap had fallen into the chair beside the bed. 'I love you George, more than anything in the world' I whispered to him hoping that just maybe he had heard me. I leant over him and gently kissed him on the forehead before pulling away, stroking his hair, to then fall into the chair beside Sapnap as I felt my eye close.

1117 words

Hiiiiii, I am back college is all done so I should be back to writing. Thank you for the patience its very appreciated. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I promise the next one won't be too far behind it. I hope you are all well and don't forget to vote if you enjoyed it. Love you all. Stay safe x