His Soft Spot

Back Again

"It did not mean nothing!" Maya screeches into my ear flapping her arms around. She huffs out a breath of annoyance at my absent response to her overreaction to my simple statement. 

"Maya drop it please, it hurt me enough to call him my friend," I state looking over at her, she relaxes her shoulders and looks at me sympathetically. 

"When are you going to admit or the least realise your feelings for him?" I slump down and drum my fingers on the table. 

"I don't know Maya, I like him-"

"Like who?" Dylan asks as he sits down chucking his phone down on the table harshly. I sit up quickly not willing to answer the question. At my silence he quirks a brow and looks over to Maya. 

"Are we ignoring me now?" I shake my head vigorously then again I have not talked to him since we almost well, you know. Put our lips together I shall say. 

Maya kicks me from under the table and sends a warm smile Dylan's way. 

"I don't like anyone, is what I was saying, the human population can respectfully go suck a-"

"Okay, okay we get it Alya!" Damian says jokingly from his side of the table.

Dylan raises his eyebrows at me and continues to gaze around the table. Probably looking for someone to give away that, that is not what we are talking about. But, luckily for me my friends can lie pretty well especially when it is necessary. Scott follows Dylan over to where we are sitting and joins us as well as Katie who spots us from across the cafeteria and joins us as well. At least I won't have to be alone with Dylan now. I don't know if I can be. Lord knows what I would say or do. I turn away from Maya who is eyeing me down with her judge-y eyes and look over to Dylan. 

His hair is a mess a complete mess, like he hasn't been taking care of it. There are evident eye bags and his lips are extremely dry. I look back over to Maya but this time she is matching my expression. Because she knows something is up. I look back over at Dylan and watch as he fiddles around with the drawstrings of his hoodie. I know it is bad of me to say this but he does look very cute right now. However. I know what I have to do or more so what I want to do. 

"I need to grab something from the library, can someone come with me?" I look over at Dylan who's gaze does not shift from his hoodie strings. I huff out in frustration hopefully loud enough that he hears it. Clearly though the boy doesn't get the message. 

"Dylan, I would love it if you could join me on my journey to the library," I say calmly waiting for him to look up at me. Still no response so, I walk around the table and grab his wrist yanking him off the table. His stands up in one quick motion and meets my eyes. 

"Please?" I say sweetly he fights back a smile and nods in agreement. 

"Okay, I think or at least hope we both know that I don't actually need to go to the library," I look over at Dylan scanning his face for any sort of response but he doesn't give one. My brain clouds with confusion. 

"Dylan?" He snaps back into reality and looks into my eyes but Dylan's thoughts are still somewhere else. 

"Look," I say sucking in a deep breath, "I am sorry if I hurt you in any sort of way and if you need someone to talk to I'm here because no offense but you look a little rough," I fidget around with my fingers waiting for a response. 

"Thanks Dawson. I'm just tired that's all," Dylan says waving his hands in the air. I don't believe him because that is the same exact lie I have told so many people. But, I'll let it go for now sometimes it's easier to talk about things after a bit of time to process it. 

I just hope that I am not the cause of his pain. Even though I know I most likely am.

We walk back to the table that our friends are sat at. I slump down next to Maya and practically stare at Dylan for the rest of lunch until our bell rings and I force myself to walk to my own locker so I can get to class. 

"So?" Maya asks as we walk over to our lockers. 

"So, nothing," I let out in defeat looking at the ground, "I messed up bad Maya and I feel so bad," I stop at our lockers and look over in her direction. Maya steps away from the lockers and wraps her arms around me I respond by accepting the hug and holding her back tightly. 

"Gosh, I'm so bad at this. I hate myself for it and I'm so sorry I did that to him."

Maya shakes her head, "Don't tell that to me, tell it to him," I nod my head in response however, the guilt is too much and I let everything flood back into my head. The lists, boxes, memories and feelings. 

Not again, please!

I scream out inside my brain for help not wanting this to come back to me. It's too much to deal with and I can't cope with it. I want to fall to the floor and drown in my sobs. But, I can't I compose myself and just let my idiotic brain do its shitty thing. 

Deep breaths I think, deep breaths. You can do it. You'll be alright. Just don't forget about the English homework you put aside for your party. The math exam studying you didn't do and it's tomorrow. The hurt you cause to Dylan and the amount of effort your friends went through for you. 

But I can't and I won't forget about it that's the issue. I pick my shit up and slam my locker shut making my way to my class.