scarred.

{2} plans.

{2}

T W O  |  P L A N S 

If someone had told me earlier on in the day that I would be been alive by the time the sun set, I wouldn't have believed them.

I had been planning my death for days. I made sure no one knew what I was up to by faking smiles around St. Joseph's and its employees. I continuously wore long sleeved t-shirts, covering up each new blood-red scar I'd paint onto my arm. No one had suspected anything, and I had easily snuck out after dinner and made my way to the subway, ready for the reward of pretending to be alright for days. I had never been more sure about any decision in my life. I wanted to die--I needed to die. It. Was. The. Only. Escape.

But then I met you, Alexander. You came into my life that day and ruined my plan.

Now there I was, walking at your side with your hand still clutched onto my arm. You barely said a word, and though I liked silence, yours was making me uncomfortable.

When we arrived at the park, the sun was setting. I thought about how much trouble I'd get into when I returned to St. Joseph's. None of the children are allowed to go out after dinner, and only teenagers can even get the chance to leave the orphanage grounds if they're well known for their good behavior. You see, I hadn't thought about what I'd do to avoid punishment for sneaking out. I had thought I wouldn't have to worry about that, because I'd be dead.

But you didn't let that happen.

The ordinary trees dotted the park, almost bald of their leaves. Shades of orange danced around the park floor, the crispy leaves swirled in the air when the wind picked up. Though grey, dull buildings surrounded the park, it was still an untouched piece of earth. Man had not ripped the grass out and covered the soil with concrete, instead, the park sat untouched and colorful.

The sky was like a painting of orange. Streaks of yellow ran through the sky, like the straight strokes of a brush. It was a nice sight, calming indeed.

You walked me over to a bench where we sat down, not too close nor too far from each other. A fountain stood a few feet away, replacing the silence between us with the sound of flowing water. A few kids climbed the monkey bars and slid down the slides of the mini-playground a couple yards away.

I took in a deep breath and curled my hands, realizing my skin was as cold as could be.

I heard the sound of you rustling your clothes, but I didn't dare look at what you were doing. I was afraid that we'd lock eyes, and then you'd start talking to me about things I didn't want to tell you about.

You put something over me, and warmth ran through my skin. I was surprised when I found a leather jacket over my shoulders smelling of mint and something sweet. I looked at you unintentionally, amazed at your small act of kindness towards a stranger. First you saved my life, then you gave me warmth. No one had done so much for me... ever.

"You looked cold," You told me, a small smile on your perfect lips. I tried averting my gaze from them, and looked into your eyes instead.

You cleared your throat when I said nothing in reply. I looked away from you and focused on the brittle leaves in front of me, only a step or two away from my feet.

"Alright," You finally began, "Let me hear it."

I felt a little pinch in my heart when I heard you say that. Let me hear it, as if it were a casual story I was actually wanting you to hear.

"Excuse me?" I said, my words floated through the air, acting as though they weren't directed towards anyone except the empty space in front of me.