Crossing the lines between us || aot x reader

Giving in

You were frustrated, confused and most of all still high. You thought your shower from earlier would have sobered you up, but now that you were finally alone with your thoughts you lost any sense of time.

So many thoughts flooded your mind, followed by questions you weren't quite sure how to answer. There was so much more going on than you could have imagined. You had a lot to think about, but each time you pondered on it you gave yourself a headache.

You could hear your phone vibrate in the distance somewhere, but you were too emotionally drained from the last 24 hours to even think to look at it. You didn't want to know who was trying to contact you. You were too far gone to carry out any sensible conversation.

It could have been Levi, that thought made your heart sink. You left him that morning without saying a word. You left him to wake up alone after everything he said to you the night before.

It could have been Jean, and that made you feel sick. Maybe he was trying to apologize. Maybe he was still trying to confess to you. You weren't sure how you'd ever face him again after that, he told you he loved you and you just couldn't understand why.

There was a possibility it could have been Mikasa, but you doubted that. Whatever moment you had with her today was most likely a fluke, there was no reason for her to ever wish to reach out to you. She wasn't that kind of person to you, even if your relationship with her was shifting. Mikasa wasn't the type to reach out like this.

It might have been Sasha, and if you were certain about that you probably would have gone searching for your phone. A talk with her probably would help you straighten out your mess of thoughts that were running loose in your mind, but the possibility of it not being her is what stopped you.

You just hoped whoever it was would stop. Would leave you alone and let you drown in your thoughts instead of the hum of your phone.

For once, a wish of yours came true and the phone finally stopped. You let out a small sigh of relief and disappointment. You were glad that the noise had ceased, but you couldn't help but feel upset that whoever it was who wanted to contact you had quit. It made you feel like they had given up on you and that wasn't a feeling you enjoyed.

Without the noise, your room suddenly felt emptier and you wanted to fill that void up again. Your frustration prevented you from crying your emotions out. If anything you wished you could scream out in tears and lash out completely for once.

You wanted to expel all that pent up frustration you had been building up for the past 24 hours. You weren't sure where the feeling had come from, but at that moment the only other feeling you had was a slight hint of something else. The more you felt frustrated about yourself, the more you became frustrated in another way.

You casually rolled over on to your stomach, and pulled yourself up higher on the bed to fish around in your nightstand. You wanted some form of control back in your mind, and this was the only thing you could have thought up on the fly with your brain still feeling like mush. A smile crept on your lips as your hand met with the small sleek toy you had been looking for.

It was a purple vibrator, around the size of your palm. You had purchased it ages ago with Sasha as a joke during one of your trips to the mall together. You had actually forgotten all about that purchase. You hadn't really had a use for it as of late, which caused it to slip from your mind till tonight.

You fiddled around with the dial at the bottom of the device. It hummed in your hand as you rolled over on to your back again. Once flat on your back, you lifted your hips as your free hand shimmed your shorts off. You lazily kicked them off, letting the fabric fall pitifully on the floor of your room.