taylor swift one shots/imagines || gxg

Worried

TW: eating disorders

please know that this chapter focuses pretty heavily on eating disorders (specifically anorexia) so please please do not read this if you know its going to trigger you in any way. you are loved and you are beautiful just the way you are :] <3

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I push around the food on my plate with a fork, sitting at the table with Taylor in complete silence.

She keeps sneaking glances at me but neither of us say anything.

Taylor lets out a long sigh, dropping her silverware onto her plate "Effy."

I ignore her and continue mindlessly pushing my food around

"Sweetie, please look at me." she places a hand on yours

Slowly I look up but don't quite make eye contact with her.

"Effy, sweetie, why haven't you been eating? I haven't seen you eat anything for almost a week. I tried to shake it off, thinking maybe you're just stressed about work but I'm just starting to worry." she looks at me with genuine concern in her eyes

"Taylor I'm fine, I'm just- I'm just not hungry, it's no big deal." I give what I hope is a convincing smile

"How? Effy, how are you not hungry? I hate to bring it up but you and I both know you struggled with anorexia and bulimia for over 10 years, and you've been doing so amazing. I was- and still am- so proud of how far you've come. I just want to know what's happened that made you go back to these behaviors."

I see here eyes gloss over with tears, making mine do the same but I quickly try to blink the tears away. 

"Fine. You want to see me eat? I'll eat." I shove a fork full of food in my mouth, forcing myself to chew and swallow completely

"Oh my god, Effy, I just want to help you! I care about you and I love you! Don't you understand that? I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you but please just try to understand where I'm coming from." She gets up from the table abruptly and goes upstairs

"Shit...." I mutter, putting my head in my hands before eventually getting up from the table to go apologize to Taylor

I slowly approach the bedroom door, knocking quietly before pushing the door open. Taylor is sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest, her body shaking from her crying.

Seeing her like that and knowing I'm the whole reason she's crying makes me feel so fucking stupid for just not eating. It shouldn't be that hard for me to just eat like a normal person.

Sighing, I walk over and sit next to Taylor on the floor. I wrap my arms around her, placing kisses on the top of her head while repeatedly whispering "i'm sorry"

She looks up at me and shakes her head no. She sniffles then says "No. Effy, it's not your fault. Please don't feel sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so upset at you, it was wrong of me to do that and I feel awful. I just.... I just worry about you, you know? I don't want it to get as bad as it did last time, Ef I- I really thought i was going to lose you." She stares at me with silent tears streaming down her rosy cheeks

"Taylor... Taylor I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was being a dick and pushing you away when all you wanted to do was help, and I'm sorry. I know you worry about me and that's exactly why I didn't want to open up, I thought it'd only worry you more. But you are never ever going to lose me, ok? I'm not going anywhere. From here on out I promise to be as open and honest with you as I can be, I'll tell you when I'm struggling." 

I tilt her head up to meet mine "I love you. So much." I gently place a kiss on her nose

Taylor smiles and kissed me on the lips, its soft and quick but I know it was filled with love.

"I love you too" she whispers

We get off the floor and get into bed together. Taylor immediately cuddles up next to me, laying her head on my chest. I smile, running my fingers through her hair. We lay there like that until we both fall asleep, holding each other close.

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holy shit this things almost at 100 reads ?? wtf thats insane, thank you ! sorry it took me so long to get this up, i haven't had the motivation to write recently :( and sorry if this is absolute shit, i wrote it at like 3 in the morning hehe