with everything in me - l.s

chapter twelve

Footie practice. Five in the fucking morning.

Louis is forthwith trotting sprints with Zayn not too far behind him. Niall was working on his footing, all smiles and glimmer emitting off of him like the fucking sun.

No one could withstand the shiny, happy-go-lucky soul that was Niall fucking Horan.

Harry was straightening out his unduly posh shin guards that were positioned on his firm legs already, almost as if scrutinizing the very substance utilized to formulate them. There was colorful tension in the air that was painted by none other than Louis Tomlinson's toothy grin, and there was no disavowing it.

Louis had no reminiscence of the day before.

He had brandished few chitchats with the lads since practice commenced, predominantly because he wasn't feeling adequate. Louis had the backbone to get the team to the finals and not let anyone hamper that precise devotion. Not even Harry Styles. Louis, jovially, hasn't conversed with that bloke since the prior encounter of theirs at Harry's flat (truthfully, Louis remembered nothing they talked about)- nor did he aspire to, with that. Nothing about hearing the monotone, slow and sweet voice of Harry and being in the equivalent wake captivated him. Louis didn't understand why so many people had such tyrannical fondness towards him, all he could decipher is why occasional people can't tolerate him.

He really needs to stop speculating about Harry at ungodly hours of days.

*

The practice had finalized, and Louis couldn't be more enthusiastic to flee the entire radius and conceivably walk off of a bridge? Niall was pitching him a ride back to his flat, which only excited Louis because he was unable of thinking back to the last time he went over to Niall's flat. Zayn didn't typically let Louis leave their flat since he's got separation anxiety, so this was a first. 

"Y'ready, lad?" Came Niall's peppery voice through the frigid air of the daybreak, making Louis' eyes roll out of subconsciousness. He didn't memorize Niall being so fucking loud.

"Only if you'd stop shouting, yes," Louis scolded with a spirited tinge that spread straight across his face. What was he getting himself into?

"'M bad, Tommo. Forgot your ears are sensitive as shite. Keep reminding, won't ya? Don't want to scare you off."

And at that moment, Louis wanted to throw himself down a flight of stairs.

Why?

Because his physical and mental health was affecting the people around him, and that killed him. Entirely ravaged him, for lack of a better phrase. 

"Ni," Louis said, not much above a whisper, and held his arms outwards, wagging his fingers to exemplify that he wants to properly encompass the blonde-headed fool. Niall obliged nevertheless, scrambling his feet over to Louis and allowing himself to plummet inelegantly into the frail arms of Louis'.

Louis was never much of a hugger.

Louis finally spoke, "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, but when I tell you, you can't tell anyone."

"Promise I won't. It isn't world-shattering, yeah?" Responds Niall, not missing a beat.

"Depends on what you'd consider 'world-shattering', Ireland." Louis' voice was full of eccentric youth, and it only brightened when speaking to the people he cared for. (No, he wasn't saying that he cared for Niall.)

(No way.)

(Not at all.)

(Who the fuck even is Niall Horan?)

"Well, for starters, it would be earth-shattering if Jameson stopped producing alcohol-"

"Oh, mother of god."

"Shut up, you bloody cunt. Carry on."

Louis inhaled, eyeing around the field to make sure they had a bit of solitude. On the contrary to Niall, he had some dignity. "Doc told me that I should only expect to survive a little under a month, now."

Niall's jaw dipped open, his picture-perfect eyes bulging out of their sockets nearly. Then he laughed.

And, oh, boy- When Niall Horan laughed, he laughed good.

Louis stood in utmost terror, snatching ahold of Niall's shoulders firmly. "Are you cross? Mate, I really wish I was joking, I do, but joking is the last thing I'm actively doing right now." Louis' eyes were glossed over and he could barely feel his bottom lip begin to ripple. But no way in shite was he going to sob in front of the only individual on the planet that shined brighter than the sun.

Niall's laughter came to an abrupt halt as he let the words of Louis soak into his mind. "Mate, what? Have you gone mad?"

"I'm gonna fucking die, Niall. See, I've got this tumor in me brain that is lethal, and the Doc said that they haven't for a cure for it just yet. Rather, I'm going to be dead in approximately twenty days," Louis explains calmly, looking at Niall with a thoughtful representation. "Give or take, actually."

Everything about the luminous soul of Niall's obscured, and Louis could virtually discern the very elements of him fall asunder in such a description that it came to be bewildering. Before Louis could completely render everything that was happening, Niall was crying. Tears were collapsing down the precarious cheeks of the boy, and his chest appeared to seize due to his lack of breath.

Louis has never seen Niall weep before this instant, and he never wants to ever again.

Niall's hands were twitching uncontrollably, and Louis could potentially document that he was trying to propel utterances out of his throat to articulate his concern.

The way Niall's tears drew such a poetic pathway down his face prevailed concern enough.

"Hey, blondie, stop." Louis' voice shot through the atmosphere in a way that was almost comforting to Niall, however, all hope of Niall's was relinquished once he felt the slender fingers of Louis' press through his hair like unspoken words.  Niall felt everything he hadn't before.

Niall wondered if the moon was watching them.

Louis, at that point, had to clutch Niall upright and coo into his ear to soothe the heart-wrenching sobs coming out of the boy's cracked lips, all whilst suffering his own endurance demolishing to bits. "Oh, Niall," Managed Louis, holding the boy in his arms as if their very existence counted on it.

In which,

If you really think about it,

It does.

"Lou."

Louis listened.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet."

———

this was a bit of a chapter for louis and niall, so 'm sorry to the lads that wanted this to be strictly about larry !!

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xx