Almost Maybes

Chapter 14

I walked toward the church's entrance, taking my time. I spotted a few people, heads were bowed down, praying silently. I knew what the person I was looking for looked like, but I had difficulty recognizing him in the small group of churchgoers.

I sauntered slowly down the aisle, looking from one side to another, and was checking every empty seat if he was occupying it. After minutes of scanning the place, in the seat third to the first pew, there he was. He looked just the same, except that he had lost weight and he'd changed his hairstyle to buzz cut. Nonetheless, he was still the Rex I knew. He was the only guy I loved, the only who liked to always make fun of me; he was there sitting on his own, taking pleasure in silence.

Without hesitations I sat down beside him, uninvited. I pretended to not mind having him around, my gaze was fixed at the altar, pretending to pray. My eyes were only waiting for the go-ahead signal, and any minute it would burst into tears. Thousands of different feelings were felt just by being near him.

We sat in an eerie silence for about five minutes. Even the chirping of birds outside was not audible. It felt like we were both living in a different world.

I was furtively looking at him sideways; he hadn't moved from his seat. Hadn't looked at me since I sat next to him. I wish to see his laughing black eyes again. But at that moment, I didn't bother to disturb him.

"Is this already heaven? I'm lucky to be sitting next to an angel," he joked.

"You never changed." I commented. "I got good news."

"Guess what it is." I said.

"We're getting married?"

I thought for a second my heart stopped beating when he said those words; but I figured out that it didn't cease beating, the rhythm of my heart started to go ballistic.

"Profanities aren't allowed inside the church," he said teasingly.

"I've changed my mind. I won't share the good news with you."

"I'll keep guessing then."

"Guess all you want."

"I'm serious about getting married," he stated.

"It's not the right time and place to talk about that," I told him. He was not well enough to talk about settling down.

"I see you're wearing my favorite t-shirt."

"It's mine now. No taking back."

He gave me three t-shirts of Marianas Trench band, two with the same design but different in color. There was also one t-shirt of the Red Hot Chili Peppers band. All those t-shirts were of big size, so whenever I wear one I should tuck it in my jeans. Rex said he didn't need those t-shirts anymore, and he was going to buy more on the new merchandise. I gladly accepted those gifts. It was like wearing his perfume with me.

"I'd like to give you more of my t-shirts. You can wear them wherever you like,"

"Sure, I'd love to."

"Let's have dinner on Saturday," he said.

"Did they allow you to stay out of the hospital for a while?"

He nodded. He didn't seem happy about the news. "Okay, dinner on Saturday."

"After two weeks, I will get the result for the first round of treatment. We'll see if the cancer cells have been destroyed or they're too hard-headed, just like you, to be defeated. If I'm lucky enough, after remission, I still need to get additional therapy to prevent it from coming back."

I was listening intently as he explained the process.

"It takes two to three years of treatment to keep this thing from returning."

I ran out of words to say. I had planned for this day, a few weeks ago I knew what to say to him. On my list, the first one was to tell him how I missed him so much, and so on. Now that he was here, just hearing his voice again was enough to make me mum. I sat there, uttering a silent prayer, while he was talking about the process of his treatment.

"What have you prayed for?" he asked.

At that moment, I was able to witness his laughing black eyes again. The only difference was it was not joyfully talking to me. Those eyes were just looking at me.

"That's a secret." was my answer, though my prayers were always about his speedy recovery.

It was my turn to ask when he hadn't responded.

"What's yours?"

It took awhile for him to speak. The obstinate silence was killing every part of my able body. Surely, Rex was not playing games on me. It was difficult to sit here with him, pretending it was okay with me to feign bravery. Forcing a smile was quite hard for him too.

Just like the thing that shines in the sky,

Seeing him makes my day complete

Talking with him makes it even more sweet,

Everything about him is so special and unique

Double happiness is what he gives

To a flower losing its leaves

"I've prayed for another year with you."

It wasn't true that he had stopped praying. He could be distant when his dad died, but he knew how to pray sincerely and with grace. All his prayers were dear to me. I was part of it at last. I didn't stop praying for him. I had all the reasons for him to be included in my prayers.

Always.

"Stay, stay, stay. You think that it's funny when I get mad. I think that it's best if we both stay."

~