Izuku Midoriya And The Paradox Theater

The Wellerman

  "While I do not condone underage drinking, I will gladly broadcast it to you all in high definition!" Paradox steps aside, and the screen lights up once more.

[Sailing in the middle of the ocean is a massive white yacht with the Todoroki family crest on the side. Uraraka is on the upper deck, holding on to the railing while throwing up. Below deck, Midoriya, Iida, Todoroki, and Asui are sitting at a table. Midoriya is sipping rum, and Todoroki is drinking straight from the bottle. Iida and Asui are drinking tea, Uraraka stumbles down the stairs to the group. Her face is red, and she reeks of rum and vomit. "Hey, boys!" Uraraka pulls out a pink mini speaker and presses play on it "Sea shanty!"]

"Underage drinking! The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves!" Iida pointed to Midoriya and Todoroki while doing his signature hand chop. "S-sorry, Iida!" "I regret nothing!" "You should really do a better job at parenting Endeavor! Letting your child drink while underage and unsupervised is dangerous!" All Might pointed out. Endeavor just scoffed, "First of all don't you dare give me parenting advice when you yourself don't have any children! Second of all, he doesn't listen to a word I say! And thirdly, if he's going to drink, at least he's with someone sober and responsible as that Iida boy."

[Midoriya downs his glass of rum and begins banging his fists on the table in rhythm with the music, and the others soon follow along. Midoriya starts singing, "There once was a ship that put to sea and, the name of the ship was the Billy O' Tea! The winds blew hard her bow dipped down oh blow my bully boys, blow(huh!)!" Iida, Uraraka, Asui, and Todoroki chime in for the chorus, "Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!"]

"Not bad he's got a pretty good singing voice!" Midnight commented, "But what exactly are they singing?" Present Mic questioned. "A sea shanty, of course!" Nezu spoke up, "Commonly sung by laborers and sailors aboard large ships to pass the time and distract themselves from the harsh work environment." 

[Iida grabbed the bottle of rum from Todoroki and took a swig before singing. "She'd not been two weeks from shore when down on her a right whale bore! The captain calls all hands and swore he'd take that whale in tow(huh!)! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!" The 5 teens stand up and make their way to the upper deck "Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!"] 

"Um, what exactly is a wellerman?" Kaminari questioned, "As the song states, the wellerman was a supplier of goods to sailors of large ships." Nezu answered. "Catchy beat!" Ashido commented as she hummed the chorus.

[Now on the upper deck, Todoroki grabs the bottle of rum back and takes a big gulp, "Before the boat had hit the water, the whale's tail came up and caught her! All hands to the side harpooned and fought her when she dived down low(huh!)! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!"]

As the alternate Todoroki sang the chorus, some of the audience sang along while others hummed it. "Weird how Midoriya and Todoroki are drunk yet perfectly singing without slurring their words," Ojiro commented. "A shot of liquid courage can go a long way!" Grand Torino explained.

[Todoroki handed the bottle to Asui, who took a small sip before singing her part, "No line was cut, no whale was freed! The captain's mind was not of greed, but he belonged to the Whaleman's greed! She took that ship in tow(huh!)! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!" "Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!"]

At this point, the entire audience, minus Bakugou and Endeavor, sang along for the chorus, "This song just makes me want to be a pirate!" Sero commented. "I know, right!? It's just so catchy!" Ashido chimed in. 

[Ausi handed the bottle to Uraraka, who took a 5-second pull and began her part, "For forty days or even more, the line went slack then tight once more! All boats were lost, there were only four! But still, that whale did go(huh!)! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!" As Uraraka sang, her speech was slurred, and she was a little off-key.]

"Ochako-chan's a terrible drunk!" Ashido giggled, "Shameful behavior from the four of you! I expected better!" Iida chopped his hand in disappointment. Todoroki placed his hand on Iida's shoulder in support, "Don't worry, Iida, we won't invite you when we go drinking on my father's yacht!" "First of all, that doesn't make me feel better! And secondly, the hell you will!"

[Uraraka hands the bottle to Midoriya, who finishes the little rum left, "As far as I've heard, the fight's still on! The line's not cut, and the whale's not gone! The Wellerman makes his regular call to encourage the captain, crew, and all(huh!)!" The five teens then come together for the final chorus, "Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go! Soon may the wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum! One day, when the tonguing is done, we'll take our leave and go!"]

The screen turned off, indicating the end. "Man, I want to see more sea shanties!" Ashido pouted, "Oh, don't you worry! There'll be more sea shanties later on, but right now, it's time to move on!" Paradox directed attention back towards the screen!

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