A Soldier's Journey

Part 35: Emerging

I stand in front of the large window in the motel room. A different motel room. In the past two years, Sam, Nat, Steve, and I, and now Bri, have moved four times. To different motel rooms. This motel room is my favorite because of this window. It reveals a large, open meadow that the sun rises perfectly behind. Every morning I watch the sun rise with my coffee in hand. It relaxes me after a night of little to no sleep.

Brielle's a little over a year old now. During the day, she's perfect. Rarely ever cries and smiles as bright as the sun, but during the night, she cries. She cries and cries and cries. Which leaves Steve and I up all night, trying to calm her down. She's perfectly fine when we're holding her, but the second we put her down she throws a fit. And I don't accept fits. Steve however does whatever he can to calm her down, even if it means putting up with her fits.

He's an amazing dad whose love for the both of us is evident in his every action. Whether it's bringing me coffee in the morning, or waking up and taking care of Bri so I don't have to. I don't know what I would do without him. We're happy with our little family, but sometimes, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if things didn't go the way they did in Lagos.

I don't blame Wanda at all. We've all made our fair share of mistakes and she's low on that list. As far as being human goes, she doesn't make many mistakes. But if things didn't happen in Lagos. If the mission turned out the way we wanted it to, would we be on the run? Would Steve and I be trying to raise our baby while hiding from most of the world? Would we be running from our former friend?

Before all this happened, Steve and I had our life planned out for us. We got married and spoke of children. We had a beautiful house which we don't even know if it's still standing right now. We were ready for the worst to come because we knew that no matter what, we had each other and we would get through it. But I don't think either of us expected the world to turn on us. We didn't expect the people that we were trying to protect and did protect to decide that we weren't doing a good enough job.

I think that the answers to my questions would be yes. The government was always looking for reasons to turn on us. If things in Lagos were a success, then they'd still find something to drag to the world's attention. The world expects us to be perfect and solve their problems, but we do our best. We aren't perfect, maybe aside from Steve, and we risked our lives for the world. But it wasn't good enough because the whole time they had people whispering in their ear and telling them every flaw about us, not the bravery and selflessness that comes along with being an Avenger, but the destruction and aftermath.

My thoughts are interrupted by strong arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me into a hard chest. I sigh as I feel Steve's warmth.

I'm hardly ever cold. I guess that's an advantage of being able to control fire. But something about Steve's body and the warmth it brings relaxes every muscle in my body.

"You're rethinking it, aren't you?" Steve asks quietly, noticing our sleeping baby in the corner of the room. "Rethinking what?" I ask. "This. Our life. You're not happy anymore Lauren. I can see it. This isn't the life we were supposed to live. And I promised that I would make it better, but I don't know if I'll be able to follow through with that promise." He says. "I'm happy with you." I say. "Not happy, satisfied. There's a difference." He says.

I can sense the pain and sadness in his voice from his words. He's never tried to hide his feelings from me. His emotions were always shown through his eyes or his voice. Even his smile reveal his emotions sometimes.

I loosen his arms around my waist, turning around in them and facing him. I rest my hands behind his neck. His blue eyes usually filled with adventure and life are dull and tired.

"I hate that you even have to question it. I knew what it would look like the first night that we stayed in a motel room." I say, looking deeply in Steve's eyes. "Babe, you don't have to hide it. You can tell me. You don't stare out this window for an hour every morning for the fun of it." He says, gesturing to the window. I sigh. "I usually just wonder what would happen if things were different." I admit. "Different?" He asks. "If you and I were never friends, if you never came out of the ice, if Fury didn't call me when they found you, if we never kissed that morning in your bed, if we didn't agree to join the Avengers, if we never got married, if Tony didn't create Ultron, if things didn't happen in Lagos." I say.

Steve couldn't seem to find a way to respond to that. Was he thinking for sure now that I was rethinking things? I wasn't. I'm happy with the way things turned out. They could have been better, but I have all I need between Steve and Bri.

"Steve, I've thought about the possible results of those scenarios, but I think that either way, we would have still found each other. We would still be here. I don't regret anything. I didn't then and I don't now. I wish you would get that through your pretty head. I'm with you, so I'm happy." I say. "You're spirit's broken. You're here, but you're not here anymore. You're not the same." He says. "Well, I hate to break it to you Captain, but neither are you. We're a mommy and a daddy now. We're tired, cranky, and have to say no a lot. I can't necessarily throw around inappropriate jokes and bad words anymore." I say.

"You're right baby, but are you sure you're happy?" Steve asks. "How could I not be? I have loyal friends, a roof over my head, a beautiful baby girl, and a sexy husband. I've got everything I need." I say. He slightly smiles. I stretch up and kiss him. "Sexy, huh?" He asks against my lips. "Yes. Very sexy." I say. His hands fall down to my butt. He picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. "Then we better put that sexiness to good use." He says, kissing my neck. "We'd fall asleep half way through." I say. "Worth a try." He says.

He lays me down on the bed, kissing me with so much passion that it has my head spinning.

My family is all I'll ever need.