A Love Without Time (Remus Lupin)

Twenty-Four.

-Ellie-

It seemed like everyone moved in together after we finished school. James, Lily, Marlene, and Sirius all moved into a flat in London together. Dorcas and Mary are also sharing a flat too that my brother frequently spends the night at. Peter is the only one who is still with his parents.
   
Remus and I moved in together at the end of July, and we have been on a mission to shag in every room of our flat. We were alone and we were going to make the most of it. No more shagging on a tiny bed in a room he shares with three other guys. It was absolutely amazing.
   
If I could go back to when I was a small little fourth year student that just started to fancy Remus that not only would we be together for the rest of the time I was at school but then move in with him, well, I probably wouldn't have believed it. And I have to say, it's much better than anything I could have imagined.
   
My favorite thing about living with him is waking up next to him in the morning. I just love knowing he's right there and not going anywhere. It was my absolute favorite thing. I just loved it so much. I think living with Remus was so amazing because I know that marriage and kids are probably next. Of course there's a war going on, and we're only 18 still, so I wouldn't mind waiting a little bit to get married.
   
Lily has the opposite reaction. She'd marry James tomorrow if she could. She's scared she's not going to make it through the war or something. She's scared of losing us, which is understandable. There is a full on war going on.
   
We all joined The Order of the Phoenix after we finished school. We were all with a bunch of older Hogwarts students. There are 26 of us. My favorites have to be the Prewett twins, Fabian and Gideon. They have a little sister named Molly who is married to a man that works at the Ministry called Arthur Weasley. They're not in The Order because they're home raising their five boys that range in age from seven-years-old to two-month-old twins.
   
They loved all of their nephews, but they had a soft spot for the newest ones, because Molly named them Fred Gideon and George Fabian. I too think that's very cute. Hearing them talk about their nephews gave me and Lily both baby fever. Lily can't wait to become a mum, but I know she wants to be married first. We all know James will give Lily anything she wants, we all knew they would be getting married first.
   
There was no doubt in my mind that Remus is going to be an amazing father. He's already such an amazing boyfriend, I know he will be an amazing husband and I couldn't wait to see him with our future children. He is going to be absolutely amazing with them.
   
Being in The Order officially was kind of strange since we had talked about it for so long while we were at Hogwarts. By far the scariest member is Auror Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody. He was a big brute of a man covered in scars from his years in the job in the field. He has a magical glass eye that can see things I couldn't even tell you. He's so scary but he knows what he's doing so we all listen to him. He's training James, Lily, and Sirius to be Aurours like him.
   
We were the kids and the youngsters of the group. Only 18 years old and ready to fight for our lives. Remus can't stand being around Matt Mckinnon so much, I always just ignore him. I wish that he would too. Remus being jealous was cute when we were in school, but we live together now, and he should know I will never leave him by now.
   
Voldemort had ten times the amount of followers than we do, which is kind of scary to think about. I didn't like to think about it even though it was reality. He had a bunch of monsters on his side. Like trolls and giants. Big, scary brute creatures. He is promising them that he will make the world a better place for them when he takes over, I don't believe that for a second. They will all be treated worse then they are now if he takes over.
   
He's even trying to get the werewolves on his side, to which Remus can't believe. He doesn't understand how any werewolf could ever believe that he would actually help them. He doesn't care about them, and he won't help them with anything if he takes over. Just like all of the other monsters that he's trying to get on his side.
   
The months were going by faster now that we weren't in school anymore. With Healer training and moving in with Remus and joining the Order the days melted together. Before we knew it, Christmas was already coming. In late November it seemed colder than usual, but I guess spending seven years locked up in a castle most of the winter would shield you from the cold of the outside.
   
It was our last Order meeting before Christmas, and James surprised us all. He said he had an early Christmas present to give out. He got on one knee in front of Lily and asked her to marry him. Of course she said yes and then she cried. The rest of the meeting we all took turns telling them congratulations and then we went home.
   
That's when things took a turn in a direction that I didn't think we were going.
   
We were in our bathroom, just finished brushing our teeth before bed, when I said. "That was really sweet of James to propose. I know this whole war has got Lily kind of scared."
   
"I know," said Remus in a monotonous voice.
   
"People will start asking us when we're getting engaged now," I pointed out.
   
"Probably yeah," he agreed and then he left the bathroom and headed to the bedroom. I followed him.
   
"And you know by the time they're married Lily will want kids, too," I pointed out.
   
"She will be a great mother," said Remus, "James, as much as he's matured, will probably drop one of their kids on their heads a few times."
   
"Probably," I agreed. Remus got into bed, but I just watched him for a minute. "You know I think that you're going to be an amazing father, Remus. I can't wait until we have kids one day."
   
He looked at me like I just asked him to use Avada Kedavra on me. Like I was insane for even thinking of such a thing. But then he looked worried. "So you do want kids."
   
"You don't?" I ask, stepping forward.
   
"I would love to have kids with you, Ellie, you would be an amazing mother. But -"
   
"But what?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
   
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to have kids," he says finally.
   
"Because you're a werewolf?" I ask, "because you know I'm not, and neither is Archie, and our father was one."
   
"But your mother wasn't," he reminds me, "So you got lucky. But you have his DNA, his blood. If we have a child the chances of passing it on are much higher. I will not be responsible for bringing more monsters into the world. And don't stand there and tell me I'm not a monster, darling, because you know it's true."
   
I was gobsmacked. Remus and I have usually always been on the same page about everything. So I thought this was no different. Which is why I never brought it up before. I thought he and I wanted the same future where we would have kids together and raise them together. I guess I was wrong, because he doesn't want that at all.
   
"You don't even want to try?" I ask, my voice was weak. "There's a chance you won't pass it on, Remus."
   
"The chance that you and I will is far greater than it is if I were to have kids with someone else. It's too risky."
   
"So you want kids, you just don't want my kids, that's what you're saying."
He is up out of bed now. "No, not at all darling, it's just too risky."
   
"So this is why you always just smile and nod whenever anyone brings up having kids. Because you knew you didn't want to have kids with me and yet you never said anything. Here I thought you were just nodding and agreeing. You never said anything, and you didn't because you know it's what I wanted. Oh my - Merlin! I can't believe you!"
   
His voice was pleading, "Bunny, please, - "
   
"Don't you Bunny me right now, Remus John Lupin! How could you do that to me? You knew this entire time and you never said anything!"
   
"Eloise, this doesn't mean we can't be together," he says, trying to keep his voice calm. Tears were streaming down my face.
   
"Maybe, if you had been honest with me about this from the start. But now I think that it might be too late. I had this vision of my future with you, and you won't even attempt to try for me."
   
"Would you? If the situation was reversed would you?"
   
"YES!" I shouted. "Of course I would, because I love you and I would do anything for you, but you refuse to do the same for me. I need some space." I walked past him to start packing an overnight bag.
   
He sighed loudly, "Where are you going, Eloise?"
   
"My mothers, or Dorcas and Mary's. I haven't decided. I just need to get far from you right now. I walked past him again, "I can't stand to look at you right now."
   
"All of this over me not wanting to have a baby?" He asked as I reached the bathroom.
   
"No, that's notnwhy I'm so upset. I am angry because you knew this entire time that you didn't want kids with me and yet you said nothing over two and a half years. If you would have just told me how you felt from the start I wouldn't be so mad at you right now. I need to process this away from you."
   
I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. I apparated out of there.

____________________
Here's part 24!

I had to add some drama in there. You can't have a good story without some drama.

She will not let him off the hook that easily.

-Emily Winchester.