Alone in my Dreams

Sex after seeing the Ex

We returned home to Tokyo that morning, just Akaashi and I left. The rest of the Tokyo 5 were going to drive home after New Years. After we arrived at home, I spent every waking moment that wasn't spent doing homework or at volleyball practice for either team, in bed crying.

Most nights Akaashi would come over and make dinner for us and just sit there until we both fell asleep on the couch, every night before Nationals, I would try to explain my pain to him and he seemed to truly understand the ache I felt in my chest, the broken heart broke me, and I started to depend on Akaashi to numb that pain.

Bokuto and Kuroo spent a lot of days texting me, hoping to help with positive messages and sending me cute pictures. Bokuto would show up to practice with cupcakes and candy for me, trying to make me smile even just for a little bit. The two men just wanted me to feel loved and supported, so right before we left for Nationals, they gifted me a cute necklace with a golden star pendant.

I would be lying to myself if I didn't notice that Akaashi replaced Tsukishima in every way possible. He helped me with homework every night, and would always pull my legs over his lap when we were sitting at home or on the travel bus. If he knew I was nervous, he would put his hand on the small of my back and offer me a smile. It was the little things, but I needed them and it helped me.

Once we left for Nationals, I stayed with my fellow managers Kaorie and Yukie, helping get the team ready. Since I had to sit up with the crowd for games, I was lent a jersey by Akaashi to wear so that I wouldn't feel alone as Yukie often used this time to flirt.

I wanted to watch the Karasuno game but none of my boys were available to go watch with me so I sat in that game for only a few minutes during the 30-minute warm-up.

I sat where I could see everyone, waving at them as they passed, or if they looked my way. Of course, I cheered Tadashi on, who looked at me offering me the biggest grin which also could be from me being that idiot cheering during warm-ups. I wanted to stay for the whole game but I had to go check on my boys and make sure all was good before their match started.

I went down the stairs and passed the door to the gym Karasuno was playing, and that's where I saw him. Tsukishima was standing in the doorway, frozen, just looking my way while drinking from his water bottle. The moment our eyes met, the yelling match played over and over in my head again and tears formed in my eyes.

With a still broken heart, my body automatically went into flight mode as I ran away from him. The moment I heard his bottle hit the ground again, I pushed myself farther. I ran down the hall, ignoring him calling my name as I tried to pull myself together mentally and physically.

I just ran back to my boys hoping that they would have a moment, but they didn't. Arriving just as their game started, I made my way up the cement stairs and sat away from every other human; I was stuck crying in the bleachers watching my boys succeed, silently crying to myself as I gripped onto the star around my neck.

***

Even though we didn't win nationals, I loved it. Upon returning home, Akaashi, Kenma, and I threw a party at my apartment. As much as Kuroo and Bokuto didn't want to celebrate that they both lost their last high school games, we wanted to celebrate their achievements as captains, high schoolers, and friends. That night was the best night in a while for me.

For the rest of my high school years, I only went home twice, both times for mine and Tadashi's birthdays. For the next two Christmas's my family came here to Tokyo. It was always fun and nice seeing them, but the events felt off.

For our 17th birthday, the party started with only 4 people, for the first time since early elementary school, just me, Tadashi, and our parents. The next 3 events, Akaashi joined as my boyfriend.