depressed | emily prentiss x reader

chapter four

tw- mentions of self harming.

if you are struggling with self harm please reach out to someone you trust and keep yourself safe<3

-

emily's pov

i finish my breakfast then jump on facetime with the girls. they all really miss y/n, and were desperate to see her. i told them i'd keep them updated until she was ready to talk to them herself.

"how's my little lovebug?" penelope asked as soon as i joined the call.

"i honestly don't know. when i got here last night she was completely spaced out. she didn't come out of it until this morning. and i'm not sure she's too pleased about me moving in either." i replied, disheartened that i couldn't give them better news.

"she'll adjust to it, she's spent a month isolating herself from everyone so it might take her some time to get use to the idea. don't worry emily, you're doing the right thing." jj said.

"i hope so. i just keep picturing her the first day i came over. she looked so broken. i can't let her get to that place again." i say, choking on my own words.

"and how are you doing?" tara asks.

"i'm ok, just worried about her. but i know she's tough so she'll get through this."

"yes she will. i was planning on flying back next week, maybe i could come see her, if she's up for it?" alex suggests.

"i think she would love that, i'll ask her and let you know." i reply with a smile.

alex had such a motherly instinct when it came to y/n and i know it was hard on both of them when she moved away to teach. they kept in touch but since the incident i don't think they've spoken much.

the rest of the facetime was spent talking about y/n and the girls updating me on their latest case. after an hour or so we all hang up and i sit on my laptop for a bit.

y/n's pov

i pick up the piece of paper, unfold it and sit on the floor to read what it says.

y/n, i know you want to self harm, and i know you think it will make you feel better, but it won't. and deep down you know that. right now, the urge feels too strong to resist. the demons in your head are telling you it will help. but what feels like a temporary relief is actually just fuelling the addiction. the thoughts and feelings you're taking out on yourself will get worse and nothing will be solved. you can't let the hatred and anger inside of you take control. this is not who you are, it is just a small part of you that you can overcome. i understand you may be scared to get better, to leave the comfort and familiarity that self harming brings you, but you can get past this. you are an incredibly strong, resilient and brave human being and i am in awe of your strength every single day.
i haven't thrown out any of your bl*des, because you need to take this step for yourself. but before you continue, all i'm asking is you take a moment to decide if this is the best way to cope. if, maybe, there's something else you could do instead? like read a book, watch a film, go for a walk, talk to someone. anything to distract yourself from those thoughts. if you need help taking your mind off of it, i am always here. i know it's hard reaching out, so our code word is 'bubbles'. if you feel the demons taking over and you're wanting to harm yourself, you come to me, say the code word and i will do everything in my power to help you through it. you are not alone in this fight y/n, i promise you. i will be by your side through it all.

i'm so proud of you, always. i love you,
emily.

emily's pov

"em." i hear y/n's shaky voice say.

i look up and see her walking towards me, her eyes brimming with tears. i glance down at the piece of paper in her hand. instantly knowing what it was, i get up to close the gap between us quicker and wrap my arms around her. she reciprocated the action and we stood in silence hugging each other tightly.

i saw the box this morning after i had a shower. i contemplated throwing its contents away but decided against it. as much as it hurt me not to, i knew she would just find another way to hurt herself if she really needed it. but i also knew i couldn't leave it without doing something to hopefully help her.

"you always know the right thing to say." y/n said softly, breaking the comfortable silence but both still clinging to each other. "thank you, emily."

i start to pull away but she tightens her grip so i keep hold of her until she's ready to let go.

y/n hated talking about her mental health but she was especially resistant when it came to self harming. i found out a few months ago, accidentally. it was at girl's night at my place, the others were all passed out but y/n and i were sat on the balcony drinking wine. her sleeve had risen up her forearm and i saw the wounds and couldn't take my eyes off them. she noticed i was staring and pulled her sleeve down then crossed her arms. before i had the chance to speak she asked me not to say anything and that she had it under control. i didn't believe her but i knew not to push her on it. i made sure she knew i would never judge her and that i was there if she needed me. i tried reaching out to her about it a couple more times but she would close herself off more and more until i eventually got the hint and stopped trying. looking back, i wished i hadn't.

after a few more minutes y/n pulled away.

"do you need to use the code word?" i ask.

she shakes her head and i smile.

"good. now will you please get something to eat?"

she rolled her eyes but started walking over to the kitchen.

"it's a good job i like you." y/n said, playfully.