Perfect| Namjoon

1

Se-ri

There I was again.  Another one of the boring dinner 'parties' that I was obliged to accompany my father to. Being the one and only daughter and heir of Lee Dong-Hoon, I Lee Se-ri had been trained for the past 8 years of my life to inherit my father's booming business- Leisa Hotels and Resorts, one of the biggest and most expensive hotel chains in the hospitality industry. But I didn't mind. 

As a little girl, I'd spent a lot of my time sitting on the floor of my father's study, sometimes playing with my Barbies, sometimes observing my father work in the comfortable silence that engulfed us. Sometimes even offering to help always earning a warm chuckle from my father. There wasn't much a 10 year old could really help with. This was a sort of father-daughter bonding for the both of us. We became each other's pillars when my mother died of leukemia when I was only 6. 

I'd always been interested in the business field, so I cooperated to my full potential in everything that my father arranged for me. It was only in boring parties like the one I was in now that I felt like digging a hole and residing in there, never wanting to be seen again. 

Awaiting the other guests that were yet to come, I internally sighed. Only ten minutes in and I was already bored to death. To  be honest, I was a bit worried about myself. About how I'd handle myself if this continued in the future. I'd make sure to ask my dad for tips. 

The seat opposite to me in the enormous dining table having the capacity to fit twenty people was finally occupied by its usual occupant. Cha Haerin sat across from me offering me a polite and sweet smile which I returned with equal enthusiasm. Being the same age, all the parents had expected us to form a strong 'BFF' bond. And maybe we could have, had I been more approachable and she not been so shy all those years ago. Cha Haerin is a sweet girl but we hardly talked, except for the few occasional greetings and small talk that was exchanged. Although now, I suspect that she had gotten over her shy phase, she was more closed off than ever. She radiated an aura that displayed her as mysterious, it drew you in, wanting to know more about her but all the same wanting to maintain your distance.

I was finally ripped out of my thoughts when the doors flew open to greet the last guest. The one for whom the party had been held. Mr. Kim's 50th birthday. And then I laid my eyes on him. I knew, of course, he would be here. I had trained myself mentally and emotionally for a week to not act out, knowing he would sit right next to me, in between me and his father who sat at the head of the table. And yet, my heart and body reacted like this, erratic thumping and flushed hot cheeks as if I'd just run a marathon. 

He looked as ethereal as ever in his crisp white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows putting on a shameless display of the veins running up his taut hands and black slacks that hugged his muscles so well. His hair had been slicked back exposing his forehead, giving him a different look from the usual messy bangs that fell on his face. The glasses that usually framed his face had been taken off and probably replaced with contacts for the momentous occasion. 

Kim Nam-joon nodded his head and smiled at me and Haerin in acknowledgement, his dimples showing from the small change in expression as he took a seat to my left, his body ever so slightly brushing my left arm as he sat down, sending pleasant tingles all over my spine. 

And then there were none. No silences of course as the adults burst into an explosion of cheers and drinks and greetings and conversations. For the next hour I didn't have to talk and only bask in the euphoric feeling of Nam-joon sitting right next to me, our hands lightly touching in the rare moment.

Until Mr. Son asked us a question. "So the three futures! How is your preparation for college admissions going? You are all aiming for a business school, is that correct?" His inquiry was directed to the three of us- Nam-joon, Haerin and I as we were the only members of the second generation who were even close to our age. The other five were children, the oldest of whom was Haerin's brother, 11. 

"Yes, that is correct Mr. Son. And it is going well!" I answered with enthusiasm. However, my fervour was not mirrored by the other two as they gave a tight lipped smile, nodding as if out of compulsion, leaving me slightly confused. 

The adults laughed and cooed at my zeal. "Well, then I guess we should let the three off. They  probably have no interest in adult talk," Mr. Cha announced while the others agreed, Mr. Kim hesitantly so. The three of us got off our seats and gave a deep bow before making our way towards the smaller circular table near the corner of the humongous hall, three chairs already placed around it equidistantly. 

We took our places as the butlers transferred some of the food to our table. We sat in awkward silence for sometime before engaging in small talk. It was then that I remembered something, something that my dad had asked me to do. 

"Nam-joon, this is another gift from my father and I," I told him as I extended the small Armani packet towards him. 

"Thank you Haerin," 

There it was. There he did it again. For the past decade he kept mixing up my names with others'. Every time I felt it. Every. Single. Time. And yet, I never got used to the pang in my chest, the way that my heart twisted and tears threatened to spill from my eyes when he did it. And there was nothing different now. 

I opened my mouth to correct him, but like always, nothing came out, my words lost somwhere between my throat and my mouth. And instead, like always Haerin corrected him. 

"I'm sorry," he said guiltily and looked down at his lap.

"It's okay," I said. But it really wasn't. I wasn't. 

And again, like always, he avoided looking at me the entire night and I found myself wondering.

Am I as insignificant to you as you are significant to me?