Perfect| Namjoon

3

Se-ri

"Here you go Se-ri," 

Nam-joon had been instructed by Ms. Song to pass my notebook back to me after she finished correcting it. This was our first proper interaction in around two months. Or at least it would've been if he knew who I was. 

He extended his hand carrying my book to who was supposedly me in his sight, in reality, to Yoora who was sitting in the bench on the right from us. He had a huge smile on his face, so adorable and gorgeous that it would make me melt on the spot, had I not been devastated. 

Yoora stared at him in confused silence, unaware of what to make of the situation until she pointed at our desk and muttered "S-Se-ri sits there."

The minute the words left her mouth, regret washed over Nam-joon's face as he hurriedly kept the book on my table and left, not so much as looking at my direction, leave alone apologizing.

It happened again. And again my heart shattered into a million pieces, piercing and compelling tears to fall from my eyes. Yet again I blinked them away and picked up the broken pieces of my heart, looking at the board, avoiding Soomi's sympathetic gaze, knowing she'd say nothing about it, like always. 

I hated him. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't, I didn't. Instead I fell in love, still finding him perfect. Still wanting to protect my notebook because it was him that had touched it. 

...............................................................

"And he totally, completely, indirectly suggested that he wanted me to be his partner and....."

I allowed Soomi to go off on her happy trail while I completely blocked her out. I toyed with the rice on my plate, poking at it with a spoon, still not over Nam-joon's actions this morning. How could he not recognize me  every single time? Did he remember nothing from our childhood. 

We used to best of friends hanging out and playing everyday, sometimes along with Haerin. He was the one who helped through my mother's death, bringing me a chocolate bar every time we met, me suggesting that we share. He'd always given me the bigger part. It was then that I fell for him, only at the tender age of 6, before I even knew or could decipher what I was falling under. He'd always known everything about me and I could say the same about him. Although, I don't think I know him at all now. 

It was all fairytale and happy endings until one day he'd fallen from the top of the slide on his head, immediately losing consciousness. Haerin was there too, and thank god she was. I remember being too horrified to even move while she'd hurriedly called the adults. He was rushed to the hospital and operated on immediately. Things were never the same. When he recovered he maintained his distance from me, not so much as stepping out of the house. Till this date I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that I desperately wanted my Joonie back. 

"Se-ri! Se-ri!" Soomi clicked her fingers in front of me. I quickly wiped away the stray tears that had escaped and looked up. However something other than the raging girl in front of me caught my attention. 

Two tables across from me, Nam-joon made his way to Haerin and Jungkook's table. The distance wasn't that great so I could make out what they were saying. 

"S-Se-ri-ah! I wanted to-" Nam-joon was cut off by Haerin who pointed towards my table, indicating that I was sitting here not there. Immediately, Nam-jun locked eyes with me, guilt written clear on his face. 

Again. Again and again and again he did this. Hardly had my heart healed that he stabbed at it again. This time I was infuriated. I got up, pushing the chair so hard that it lost its balance and fell and I stormed off from the cafeteria into the school grounds. I could hear my name being called from behind me, but I gave the desperate shouts no notice. 

Suddenly I felt someone grip my wrist. I turned back to find the owner of the hand. Kim Nam-joon in all his asshole glory. And yet I could focus on nothing but his heartbroken expression and how my own deranged heart wanted nothing more than to wipe his worries away.

"Oh! So now you remember who I am? Or should I make it more obvious to you? Write it on my forehead?" I screamed at him. 

"S-Se-ri I-" 

"No Nam-joon. I'm not gonna take another apology from you because it means utter bullshit!" I bellowed so loud I was surprised no one from the cafeteria was able to hear, tears pooled in my eyes and a few stray ones even managed to escape. 

"Please Se-ri! I can explain," He pleaded, almost in desperation. I could see the guilt, how dejected he was. It was usually the reason I brushed it off, hoping he wouldn't repeat the next time, but I was wrong. And this was it. I wouldn't allow it anymore. 

"Then explain Nam-joon! Explain why our childhood means nothing to you! All that we've been through together and yet your parents told me after you recovered from your injury that you didn't want to play with me anymore?! Explain why for the past ten years, you've treated me like there was nothing special between us. Explain!" I demanded from him, the tears streaming fast from, letting out everything that's been on my mind for so damn long. I couldn't hold it anymore. I couldn't. But yet it broke me to scream at him. It broke me to know that the despairing expression on his face was because of me. 

His silence explained everything. I yanked my arm away from his weakened grip. I'd hoped that he'd finally say something, give me answers, but I was left more crestfallen than ever. 

"Leave me alone Nam-joon! And stay away from me!" I said in a low voice before staggering back to the cafeteria, hopelessly trying to wipe away my tears. 

It broke me how even after how much I wanted to hate him, I still loved him and what remained of my heart still was under the delusion that he was perfect.