Perfect| Namjoon

4

Nam-joon

Se-ri. Se-ri. Se-ri. My heart repeated her name like a broken stereo, like it was the only thing that it knew. As I watched her figure walk away and into the ginormous cafeteria, I felt dejected. Heartbroken. Furious. Desperate.  And yet still numb. I felt everything and nothing at the same time. 

I knew Se-ri and I had history, a beautiful past filled with giggles and playful teasing, with adventures in fantasy lands that belonged to only her and me, I could only imagine. The days before my injury that I had no recollection of but longed to remember. After the incident, my amnesia had formed the first wall between her and me. 

My heart yearned for hers, connected by a string that only stretched when I tugged at it to pull her closer, pushing her further away and leaving me completely hopeless. 

When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I flinched. I turned around to see a girl I did not recognise. If it was Se-ri, I couldn't tell. Even though I saw her not five minutes ago, trying to memorize each and every detail-huge and minute about her. However it was all in vain. Was the effort even worth if my stupid brain couldn't bother registering faces, throwing everything that I did all under the drain.

"S-Se-ri?" 

"Ah no, Nam-joon it's Haerin," she said with a small smile. And with that, the small glimmer of hope that had sparkled within me dimmed as quickly as it came. 

"Sorry. Hey Haerin," 

"Hey, can we talk?" she asks. I was taken aback by her question. Hardly had she ever looked at me besides greetings, let alone make conversation. 

"I...uh...I'm sorry I just don't-" 

"Please, Nam-joon," There was a certain urgency to her voice that compelled me to agree. 

"I heard of what happened with Se-ri," she said with a wince, knowing she was treading on dangerous territory. 

"Haerin, if you're here to talk about what an asshole I've been, trust me, I know. So please, if that's the case, leave," I said harshly, a bit too aggressively maybe. But if my words hurt her or even affected her in the slightest, she didn't show it. Her expression remaining as unfazed as ever. 

"You have prosopagnosia, don't you?" She asked leaving me stunned, my jaws almost touching the ground. 

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," I denied, after containing myself from the initial shock. 

"Cut the bullshit Nam-joon. Face blindness. You have prosopagnosia," she stated. 

Ouch. Could she be any more blunt. 

"H-how did you know?" I asked, indirectly giving up and accepting my disorder. I'd only ever told Hobi, and that too accidently. I was grateful though, glad that someone other than my family knew. He'd stuck by me through thick and thin. I'm not sure how I would've survived without him. Although, now I'd had to find a way to do so. Hoseok was leaving for Chicago in less than a month due to a promotion his father got. 

"My cousin has it too," she replied matter-of-factly. 

"Oh. Does anyone else know?" 

"Yeah, Jungkook," 

"Y-you told him?" 

"No. He knows what it is and figured it out himself." 

I could sense the admiration and adoration in her eyes for the boy that entered her life only two months ago and yet made more of an impact than any of us ever could. 

"Okay." I said. 

I took in a deep breath and exhaled, ready to admit the fact for the first time to someone other than my family and Hoseok-my safe zone.

"It's true. The injury I had ten years ago damaged the part of my brain that coordinates the neural systems that control facial perception and memory. It gave me prosopagnosia.  I lost all memories of before the incident as well- retrograde amnesia," I finished.

It was then that I realized what my brain had truly gone through. How fucked up I actually was. I guess it's true what they say. You never know the magnitude of a fact before saying it out loud. 

"That makes sense," she said thoughtfully. 

"By the way, how do you know so much?" I asked her. 

"I just do," She shrugged. I decided not to question her further. 

"You know Se-ri cares a lot about you right?" 

I nodded in response. 

"Then why don't you be less of an asshole and tell her the truth," she bluntly suggested. 

"Oh my god, Haerin. Don't sugarcoat anything do you?" I winced. 

"I'm serious Nam-joon," she ignored my statement. 

I sighed. Of course I'd thought of telling her. Hell I wanted to more than anything else. But I was scared. Terrified that she wouldn't accept it, accept me that way. Just like my father who it still didn't sink in for even after a decade. 

Haerin could sense the different emotions in my eyes and the multiple thoughts that flashed through my mind. Her eyes softened and she placed her palm on my upper arm, startling me by showing the first form of gentleness from her. 

"Think about it okay?" she said and turned on her heel to walk towards the cafeteria, the same path Se-ri had taken not ten minutes ago.

A/n: Happy 8th Debut anniversary to our precious bangtannies!! I hope that the happiness they radiate into the world comes back to them a thousand times over💜💜