"So what was that all about? Before?" Tony asked, standing in the doorway.
Loki put down his pen as he sat writing at his desk. He rubbed at his eyes. He hadn't been hard to find. He had gone to his study and pretended to work for awhile before his fellow Avengers returned.
"The Sokovian siblings, their powers are from Infinity Stones. They are unreliable."
"The stones or the people?" Tony joked, but Loki didn't crack a smile.
"Tony, Thanos wanted to send me to invade earth and steal the Tesseract for him. The Tesseract contains the space stone. He wanted me to use a sceptre which contained the mind stone. That girl's powers come from the mind stone. I want to distance myself from all of that. Confronting my past torture isn't exactly high on my list of things to do. I'm sure you of all people understand that."
"I understand, Lokes, you know I do, but Wanda's a kid. Whatever happened, it's not her fault."
There was a silence.
"She's older than I was when I first fought in battles," Loki said suddenly. "Thor and I were inducted in warfare when we were nine-hundred-and-sixty, when we were twelve. Thor is older than me so I always remember his horror-struck face after he returned from a battle, having had to kill someone. Now, he's filled with bloodlust but we were all innocent children once. If I can preserve that innocence in Wanda, Pietro and Peter, because I never had that innocence myself, I will."
"That's commendable, Lokes, it really is," Tony said with a sigh, "but their innocence can't be preserved forever."
"We can still try."
Tony was silent. Loki suddenly had a hint of what Tony was thinking - of blood and pain and explosions and... being kidnapped. Tony was remembering Mexico.
"Tony?" he asked slowly.
He stood up.
"Mexico wasn't your fault, nor mine. I thought we'd got beyond this."
Tony swiped furiously at a tear forming in the corner of his eye.
"Daniel was innocent, Loki. Innocence can never be preserved. Evil always prevails."
Loki shuddered. He tried not to think about Daniel. It wasn't out of malice. Thinking about Daniel tore Loki apart and made him unravel. It did the same for Tony but Tony was human. Loki didn't find it as easy to compartmentalise and ignore bad memories. Mortals didn't have forever to ignore their nightmares; but Loki did.
"I can remove the memory, you know," Loki told Tony as he stood with his back to him.
Tony stayed silent, looking out of the floor length windows. If he was surprised that Loki knew what he was thinking, he didn't show it.
"You don't have to go through it alone, Tony," Loki continued. "I know what's it like."
"Do you?" Tony asked, turning round suddenly, tears glittering on his cheeks. "Do you really?"
"Yes," Loki replied determinedly, refusing to cave in to what Tony undoubtedly wanted him to say.
Tony simultaneously wanted to be the only person who knew it was like and to share his experience with somebody who knew what it was like.
"I have been caught in explosions before, Tony," Loki said simply. "I have had grenades thrown at me, grenades thrown at my comrades. I have seen people die, ripped apart by the force of the explosion. I have always endured unbearable pain. I have seen many terrible things but that doesn't make your suffering any less important. If you won't let me remove the memory I can at least share in the pain."
"What can it do?"
"We can relive the memory and go through it together. I will be there at your side and then I can siphon off some of the pain and, I hope, the guilt."
Finally, Tony nodded.
"I think I would like to do that. So someone... at least one person... knows what it was like, but only as long as you're sure."
Loki held Tony's hand for a moment and squeezed it.
"You're my friend, Tony. I won't let you go through this alone."
Tony took a deep breath.
"Okay, let's do it then."
Loki stretched out with his magic and invaded Tony's mind. The memory wasn't hard to find; the reminder that he had been blown up and kidnapped was never far from the forefront of Tony's mind. Like a movie, the memory started playing, and Loki knew Tony was there with him as well, watching the memory side-by-side.
Tony had gone to the hospital to give them an awful lot of funding. It was the least he could do, to give back to a hospital which had allowed Alden to practise medicine illegally and also allowed Alden to quit medicine altogether, although an extremely successful surgeon, and join Tony in building the largest tech company in the world.
Daniel was a cheerful man, and Tony was glad it was him who was now running the hospital and not the surly man it had been before. He was also glad that it was Daniel who was giving him a tour, as Daniel could tell him things he didn't know about Alden, his mysterious new business partner.
The tour passed quickly with Daniel's amusing commentating as they passed various wards and sections of the hospital, and Tony was starting to feel really rather good about donating such a massive amount of money.
"I really must thank you for this, Mr Stark," Daniel said, smiling. "No-one ever donates to this hospital, and certainly no-one ever donates this much to this hospital."
"Please, call me Tony," Tony replied, "and you don't need to thank me - you gave me Alden after all! The man's a lifesaver, and a genius."
Daniel laughed.
"He really is. I would love to know what's going on inside his head-"
There was a dazzling flash of white light, a horrendous bang and Tony blacked out.
When he came round, he thought he was in a nightmare. There were limbs, detached limbs, everywhere. Sticky red made the floor slippery underfoot. Tony only had the chance to see Daniel's head, with no body accompanying it, before the pain in his chest increased, and then he was out like a light.
*****
A.N. Thanks for reading and please comment!!!
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Starting Over #2 - Loki
Fanfiction[SEQUEL] Loki has found his place among the Avengers, but when will his luck run out? The sequel to Starting Over.
