Starting Over #2 - Loki

13) Tony/Daniel Comparison

"Loki?" Tony asked, scared.

Loki could feel his fear, intense and burning. He'd let himself fall too deeply into the memory and now he could feel everything Tony did.

"I'm fine," Loki said, trembling.

Tony grabbed him before he collapsed.

"I'm so sorry," Tony said, holding firmly onto his arm. "I didn't realise what it would do to you."

Loki had seen violent deaths. He had seen bodies torn apart in war and peace. But seeing Daniel dead was something completely new.

Loki felt Tony's compassion, his fear and upset. He had shared more than the memory - he had shared his feelings. Loki and Tony were now inextricably linked. It was more than he could take, feeling all of Tony's emotions. Feeling that Tony was, in that moment, worried and scared for him.

"I can see it, you know," said Tony, without beating about the bush. "You think I'm like him."

Loki may not have seen this conversation coming but he knew Tony was clever enough to have worked it out for himself.

"You didn't lose one friend that day," Tony continued gently. "You lost two."

Loki sat down heavily, aware that he'd thought it himself, subconsciously, for years. Tony knelt before him, earnest eyes gazing into his.

"I was meant to die that day and you thought I was the one who'd died. Then you found out it was Daniel and everything crumbled."

Yes, everything was crumbling. He could no longer really see Tony kneeling before him, just sensed that he was there and heard his voice. Tony's sudden warm hands on his kept him grounded, stopped him spiralling. He spoke to stop himself from succumbing to nothingness.

"You were practically the same person," Loki whispered hoarsely. "Clever, funny, kind. Both serial playboys."

Tony chuckled softly.

"It should have been me," Loki said adamantly. "If I was there I would have survived. I could have saved the hospital."

On any other day, Loki would have realised that those words hurt Tony, but he wasn't exactly feeling very observant at the current time.

"There was nothing you could have done," Tony whispered. "It surprised everyone. It was a shock. A terrorist attack."

"A targeted attack," Loki pointed out. "They wanted you."

Tony went pale.

"I never wanted anyone dead! I didn't start this!"

"I'm not blaming you, Tony," Loki said, voice breaking. "I never have and I never will. As you said, evil sometimes just prevails, without rhyme or reason."

Tony hugged him.

"Some things can't be prevented, however much we wish we could stop them in their tracks," he said. "Daniel's death was like that. Nobody knew there was going to be an explosion. Nobody could have stopped that."

He joined Loki sitting on the floor as his own legs gave out.

"In my life, I think that day is the only one I'll never be able to move on," Tony said hoarsely. "No matter how much therapy I go to or medication I may take, I'll never forget a single moment of that day."

And now, nor will I, Loki thought. He could replay that moment over and over again, the moment the explosion had gone off and Tony and Daniel were thrown backwards. Daniel had gone straight into a concrete pillar. He'd never had a chance.

Loki had looked into the paramedics and firefighters who had attended the scene. He had found out that Daniel would have died instantly and that there was no human error which could be blamed, except for of course the human evil responsible for the attack. But seeing it was something else entirely. It wasn't something he could comprehend or process. He might not ever be able to process it.

But he became aware of another feeling. He felt unstable, and it was not just his mind. His magic felt like it was off the charts. His upset and anguish and pain had in some way influenced his seidr. It was flooding his body. This wasn't an energy which could be released on Earth. He needed to get far away before he caused an explosion of his own.

"I need to get out of here," Loki said suddenly, standing and immediately dwarfing Tony who still knelt on the ground. "I need to blow something up."

"Loki?" Tony asked, somewhat afraid, standing himself.

Loki hated that he could now feel Tony's fear. Tony was afraid of him.

"I have seidr running through my veins, burning them. I need to let it out."

Loki understood Tony's frightened expression.

"Don't worry," he stated, his voice icy, "I'll save my rage for the next universe."

And he vanished.

*****

A.N. Long time, no see! Loki gets upset at seeing Daniel dead. Tony is *temporarily* scared of him.

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