number 12. (l.s.)

Chapter 53.

F I F T Y  T H R E E
-pain in exchange for guilt-

TW: parts of violence + anxiety + injuries

Age 12

Louis looked out the window, seeing all the stars shining so brightly, as if they were shining for him. He was kneeled to the ground, being so small in comparison to the moon which he could feel tingling on his skin. He wondered how easy it would be to be a star. All your life consisted of was floating through space, shining for the people watching out their windows. If he was a star, maybe he would be with his mother again. Maybe he could be flying away with her and Nora, away from the scary house. Maybe then he would be free and safe from the monster.

He just wanted to reach out to the star when he froze, as he pricked up his ears. He could hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. He was as quiet as possible, holding his breath as if he just tried to vanish right then and there. His heart was beating faster and faster the closer the footsteps got, but when the footsteps stopped right in front of his door, his heart basically stopped pounding. He kept staring at the stars, hoping they could help him, praying it would be over quick. He was still hurting from three days ago, and usually he only visited him once a week, but it had only been three days then. It only made him more scared.

"Please, please, please," he kept repeating, softly under his breath, but he knew it had never helped him before. His eyes suddenly widened in startle, holding his breath by pressing his lips together as he could hear the door knob turn. It was a cracking sound he could recognize out of thousands. And when the door creaked open, his entire body froze, gazing out the window as he could hear the person stepping into the room with the heavy sound of his boots on the floor.

"Louis," the deep voice said, which echoed through Louis' mind every day. He squeezed his eyes shut abruptly, already shaking, but he tried to contain himself, because everything would even be worse if he showed his weakness. "Look at me."

So Louis shakingly breathed in as he stood up from the ground and slowly turned around. He had his trembling hands covered behind his back as he slowly looked up to the cold eyes. He could just see the hate in them, and it was terrifying him.

"Why did I find this?" He growled, holding up a piece of paper where Louis' eyes flicked at. His heart was hammering against his chest as he saw the drawing he made that morning. It was his mother, smiling brightly on the piece of paper. He must had accidently left it downstairs when sneaked down to grab a pencil.

"I-erm-It's mama." He gulped.

When the man stepped forward, Louis automatically stepped back in fear, his eyes widening as he just was still praying that nothing would happen. His hands were still shaking behind his back, but he had them hidden, because he didn't want his father to yell at him again that he was weak. In one movement he tore the drawing to pieces, and threw them towards Louis. But they didn't reach him, and all the small pieces just fell to the ground.

Louis watched them fall, seeing small pieces of his mother lay on the floor as he had spent hours on the drawing, making sure every detail was right. The man glared at him, having his jaw clenched. "If it wasn't for you, she'd still be here." Louis swallowed, as he could feel his bottom lip tremble. "If we hadn't adopted you, we'd still be a happy family." He continued, making Louis shiver as he suddenly felt cold and unwanted.

But what hurt him the most was that it was the truth. Louis had only tore their family apart, and all he did was causing trouble. "You're a burden Louis," his father hissed.

"S-sorry," Louis swallowed, having it said so many times before, but it just didn't mean anything to his father. He had said it so many times, that he even forgot the meaning. He knew forgiveness was something he'd never get.