Disturbia

Drinking

I'm finally at the level where I can't think straight, the music is so loud I can't here myself think. This point has become harder to get too every night. I drink until I pass out, I smoke until nothing makes sense anymore. Welcome to my life.
But it never goes away. It's not ever day you see your house on fire and realize everything you love and everyone you love was inside. Hearing the screaming coming from your family is not something you can easily remove from your mind. People said they died quickly and that it was me screaming but I don't know for sure. So I drink until the screaming goes away. What I would do for it to be erased forever. That was 5 years ago.
Since then I've been around; few boyfriends and girlfriends around the years. But it was those big brown eyes I'll never forget, Smart and athletic at the same time. We were what some people call high school sweethearts. But after the fire I cut everyone off from my life. Got in with the "wrong crowd". That's when I see him. Shit. Alex, I hated him. All I ever wanted to do was leave. But he wouldn't let me. So I stayed. I stayed for 3 years, 3 years of abuse. Until that one stupid night I decided to go against my gut feeling. What a shitty move by me. I was so drunk. I'm currently living in a very small on room apartment in the bad side of town. My job well, I got really good at business. Haha, drug dealing actually. I had my faithful regulars. Your probably thinking how I got into that. That's something I'm not telling. But it pays well. there is that stupid school reunion coming up I really don't want to go. but something in me tells me that maybe seeing her will help me. whatever I deal with it when it time. On to another shot.