Pretty Scars ║DNF

Chapter 16

Tw: Mention of self-harm

I have been crying up in the corner of my room for the past hour. I knew damn well it was going to be bad, but I never expected it that much. Obviously, I was going to get kicked out of the house, but it was much worse than that.

They told me things that I know will stay with me forever. These thoughts keep filling my head, and I fear them with all my heart. I always thought I was different, and weird, but I realized that in all of these, my parents were the problem all along. Nick is like that as well, yet nobody ever told him he was gross and disgusting.

I try to get back to reality, but my whole body starts to shake again, probably for the 10th time in less than an hour. My body gets all cold out of nowhere, and my mind is full of thoughts I can't control. It feels so painful, but not as much as before.

I don't understand why I am reacting like that. I knew damn well they were not going to be happy about it. My parents never supported me for anything, especially when it came to expressing myself. I made up some fake scenarios in my head where they would understand, and tell me everything was ok. I was a fool to believe any of these stories. Stories never have a happy ending for me.

My sadness and fear turn into anger for a moment. I remember the time they forced me and Nick to never talk again. They don't like Nick at all, and say he is a terrible influence for me. I don't think that's true. We live a little far apart for kids who don't own a car, but we always stayed friends no matter what.

I open my eyes slowly, as a blurred image of my room appears. My head hurts so bad. I check the clock only to realize it is almost midnight. I get up to go to the bathroom. When I enter the room, a razor is sitting on the top of the counter.

If only...

"George?"

"Um yeah" I respond, hesitant.

"Wha...what are you doing here? Are you alright?"

He looks pretty surprised to see me here, and honestly, I was expecting a much worse reaction.

"Yes, I just couldn't sleep, and was honestly too worried. I'm sorry if I'm bothering."

I say the last sentence looking at the floor. My body is really cold from the rain, and a shiver runs down my spine.

"No, it's ok George, come in, you look like you are freezing."

He opens the door slightly, so I can enter the apartment. I shiver so much from my soaking wet clothes. I look around a little, noticing how dirty the apartment is. It honestly doesn't surprise me coming from Nick. I chuckle a little, realizing how much of Nick place this looks. Pictures of Karl and him are hanging on the wall, and surf decorations are all around.

"Wait here, I'll get you some dry clothes" he says, before turning around.

I nod my head, too lazy to say anything. I sit on the couch, my hands wrapped around me.

"Nick, what's going on..."

I turn my head suddenly as I realize it is Dream's voice. I see a sleepy tall man who looks at me with a bit of fear in his eyes. He is wearing a white short sleeve shirt. He starts to walk away.

"Wait" I say, running back towards him.

I grab his arm slightly, making him flinch at the motion. He looks at me dead in the eyes, a mix of fear and anger in him. I look down at his arm, just to see deep lined up scars.

I step back a bit, not wanting to hurt him or make him uncomfortable. My brain never made the connection on why he would always wear long sleeves, but now I know. I feel bad for the time I asked him about it, and he probably had no idea what to answer. Guilt is slowly filling me because most of the time we were together I would talk to him about my problems in life, while he probably has so much more than me.

He is always so happy and positive. It is just like I discover a totally new person I have never met. It feels strange to think that an angel like him can also go through bad times.

I keep looking at him for a few seconds, probably looking like a total creep. I understand why there were things he didn't want to tell me, and I feel bad for trying to pressure him. God, why am I making all of this about me? This is not about me.

"Sorry" he says, before stepping back and entering the room, locking the door behind him.

I am still in a little shock, as I stand there is disbelief of what had just happened. I made him fear me, and now he just ran away.

"Hey are you ok man" Nick says

Nick's voice cuts me out of my thoughts, as I look at him without saying anything. I don't know what to do. Should I apologize, should I go back home, should I tell Nick?

"Um... Dream he.." I start, before knowing that Nick understands what I am trying to say.

It feels a little awkward, since I don't know what to say. Emotions come rushing into my body, and I start tearing up.

"George it's ok, don't worr..." he starts before I cut him off

"No it is absolutely not, and I am going to speak to him" I say firmly.

Dream probably doesn't want to talk, but I really do. I want to understand him. I feel so bad for everything, and desperately want to help with anything I could. Why can't I just close my eyes and be back to the night we were watching the stars. We were together, and nothing could ever happen. We were free and careless about everything, watching the beautiful show above us.

Nick pats my arm a little to try and comfort me. He probably understands my pain, and why I care so much for Dream.

"Please change your clothes before" he says, handing me a black hoodie.

I go to the bathroom, and quickly change into the new clothes. I feel less cold than before, as I step out of the room. Nick is not there anymore, and I start to wonder why. I walk to Dream's door, knocking slightly on it. No answer.

"Hey Dream, it's George" I say softly.

No answer comes from the other side of the door. I don't want to make the same mistake as before, when I pushed him to say stuff.

"Hey, um, it's George. You are probably sleeping or something, but I just want to apologize for everything. I always pushed you to say so much about your life, and trust me fully. I wish I knew everything that you could go through, and I want to say sorry for always making everything about myself. It is ok if you are mad at me or don't want to talk anymore, I understand. I just want to say that I truly and really care for you and I want to help you. You changed my life in so many amazing ways and I can't picture a future without the both of us being happy."

I take a few seconds, tears now shamelessly running down my face as I stand up to leave.

"No George wait"

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Rosa <3