A story is like an evermore gemstone. Beautiful and crisp. Crafted to look brilliant in light and darkness. But, who does the crafting? Who enhances the beauty of these gems? Gemcutters do.
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Client username :LuisPetrizzoRengel Editor wattpad username :Asna_Your_Friend No. of chapters edited : 5 What did you edit? : Punctuation, Grammar, Sentence Structure, Vocabulary.
Feedback about the book :
These are the points I noticed while editing your book:
➔ You have a habit of using exclamation and question marks twice together. You'd use them like this, "??", "?!", "!!", or like this, "!?". This is grammatically incorrect. Your writing is quite formal, and these are mostly used in informal writing. You should keep this in mind as it does not give a good impression.
➔ You switch between tenses. Even though there are not many tense splits, which I appreciate, this can be really confusing for your readers. Before publishing a chapter, reread it multiple times. (Tip: Read the chapter from end to start; this will help catch errors. When you read it from start to end, it's likely that you don't track errors because you're going with the flow).
➔ In your writing, I saw that you've used the word 'while' to connect sentences a lot of time. You should try using alternative words like 'as' to prevent it from getting boring.
➔ Again, you've used the word 'then' a lot of times, and at unnecessary places, too. To be honest, I was quite annoyed by this. Your readers might feel the same way, so take care about it! In the first five chapters, I've removed 'then' from where it isn't required. You'll mostly use 'then' like this:
~ She then used it to attack me (this sentence is nowhere in your writing. I just made it up).
Over here, it can also simply be written like this :
~ She used it to attack me.
I found multiple cases like this, and I've edited them. You should look out for these in your later chapters!
➔ There is a LOT of use of ellipsis (three dots ... ). Ellipses are used to express hesitation, changes of mood, suspense, or thoughts trailing off. They are also used to indicate a pause or wavering in an otherwise straightforward sentence.
In your work, they are used almost everywhere. Uses of ellipses can make the writing look awkward, and less consistent. Avoid using them and show their feelings through their actions.
➔ There are misplaced and missing commas. You should probably check out an article about punctuation rules because I can't list them all here.
➔ Your sentences were poorly structured. I've edited most of them, but for your later chapters, here's a tip:
When you write something, try writing it from different perspectives. Try rearranging the words. Check all the sentences separately, and then choose the one you think is best!
➔ You've not done a good job in the 'show, not tell' part. You've used adjectives and adverbs to describe the emotions of your characters. However, this only tells us how they feel, while you should show it to us through their actions.
For example, look at these two sentences.
➔ "Stop!" he shouted angrily.
➔ "Stop!" he shouted through gritted teeth, his fists curled up so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
In the first sentence, I used an adverb to tell how the character feels. In the second sentence, I only told you the character's actions, and the actions clearly show how the character feels.
In order to 'show, not tell', I reduce the use of adverbs and adjectives and focus on telling the characters' actions. Adjectives and adverbs are still an important part of writing, so they should not be omitted completely.
As I was only copy editing, I did not make any changes in this area. I just left a tip for you!
Overall, it was really good, and I had fun editing your book!
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Thank you so much ~ Evermore; Gemme community
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