EVERMORE - EDITING SHOP | CLOSED

RI ~ SECRET OF PROM NIGHT

Client: MeadowSterling 

Editor: ineedutoomuch

Chapters Edited: Eight

Focus: line editing 

Feedback:

While editing these chapters, I noticed a few different things that I would like to bring your attention to.

But before I start, can I just say how much I adore Athena? She's so intelligent and resourceful, and that twist in the first chapter showing how differently she presents herself to the world versus her actual self gave me whiplash! Your name choice is also clever since Athena is the Greek goddess of wisdom and war. Whether intentional or not, I saw some references to this in the text. Fantastic work!

I also loved how you incorporated thought-provoking themes that ran deeper than the plot. Parent/child connection was one theme that stood out to me, and I really liked how you expanded on the supporting characters under that umbrella. It just adds another layer to the story and elevates it above the sea of superficial plots, so well done. :D

Regarding the grammar, however, I did notice a few inconsistencies throughout the text. Allow me to guide you through all the suggestions I have to improve your story!

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— The most common mistake that kept popping up throughout the manuscript was tense changes. You mainly write in present tense, but occasionally several paragraphs will slip into past tense in a way that's jarring and inconsistent with the storytelling.

Honestly, I know your pain. I also struggle with defaulting to past tense when I write, haha. But I've found that using online grammar checkers has been a huge help in catching my slip-ups. I recommend Grammarly and Quillbot, since they're both free browser extensions that work with Google Docs to check your writing in real-time. However, you have to stay vigilant and re-read as you go, especially if you're trying out a new tense that you're not familiar with.

— Regional spelling! I understand that you use a mix of British and American English in your daily life, but are trying to write in American English.

Again, grammar checkers are your best friend in this scenario. Just set your preferences to American English and they'll be able to catch when you're using a British variant. A few examples you might want to keep in mind are "cheque" (Brit) vs. "check" (USA), "colour" (Brit) vs. "color" (USA), and "rumour" (Brit) vs. "rumor" (USA).

— Capitalization when referencing familial relationships is another thing to pay attention to. Remember that if a character is being addressed directly and the word is used in place of a name, capitalize it!

Correct: "Hello, Mom."

Incorrect: "Hello, mom."

Since "mom" is being used as a name, it's important to capitalize the word. But don't capitalize it in any other instance, such as "I asked my mom if I could stay over." Here, it's not being used as a proper name and doesn't need capitalization.

— For professional-looking text, you'll want to spell out numbers. Not only does it keep your writing consistent, but it's also easier on the eyes. I personally spell out numbers from one to one hundred and use numerals beyond that. Of course, not for dates, time, and the like, but casual usage should be in word form. It's more of a personal preference, but your writing will look much more professional if you do!

"I have prom in four days." vs. "I have prom in 4 days."

— I noticed that you often use dialogue tags to describe how a character feels when they talk. While there's no harm in the occasional usage, most writers prefer to find more descriptive alternatives because overuse of tags can break up a conversation's flow and hardly leave room for imagery. is a good article that explains what dialogue tags are and how you can move away from them toward richer descriptions. (link is Docs-exclusive and won't show up on Wattpad, but it's for personal reference.)

But when you do use dialogue tags, be sure to punctuate correctly! Remember that commas go inside quotation marks before a dialogue tag, not periods. However, periods are needed when ending a paragraph, even when it's a single sentence of dialogue (I noticed you occasionally forgot to add them in those cases).

Correct: "I heard about it," Nora said.

Incorrect: "I heard about it." Nora said.

— Show, not tell. I'm sure writing teachers have hammered this into your head enough haha, but it's important to touch on.

The pace of your story is quick and each sentence has a purpose, which is wonderful! However, you often fall into brief descriptions when there's so much potential for painting a vibrant scene. One example is the confrontation between Athena and Safiya in the first chapter.

At first, you wrote: "Safiya felt humiliated and left the classroom with her friends." While true, she did feel humiliated, it doesn't show her emotions. This is important to keep in mind especially since you're writing from Athena's perspective, who doesn't magically know how characters feel all the time. The rewritten version is much more descriptive: "Safiya looks like she wants to cry." This is both a realistic observation from Athena as well as an easy image for readers to visualize.

With the right amount of vivid imagery, your writing not only flows more smoothly but also provides an immersive effect for readers and a more enjoyable reading experience overall. It's difficult to find a balance, sure. I understand if you have any hesitation about writing dense descriptions since they certainly can weigh down a scene. But finding the middle ground between terseness and verbosity is crucial to improving your writing. :)

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Well, that concludes the feedback that I have for you!

Of course, it is entirely up to you whether you apply my advice or not. They're only suggestions, after all. But if you at least take them into consideration, then I'm sure your writing will be closer to perfection than it already is.

It was a pleasure to be your editor. I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey! :)

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Please note :

➔ If you haven't completed your payments, then please do them now! ➔ If you have anything / questions please pm your editor
➔ If you need further assistance, You can always fill another form after adding more chapters to you book!
➔ You can check our review book "Scripturient" for more help!
➔ Your edited doc will be sent to you through pms by the community account!

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Thank you so much
~ Evermore; Gemme community