*SLOWLY BEING EDITED*
Zane had a special mission to accomplish. No one could find out that he's undercover. No one. But with those hazel eyes and her smart mouth he couldn't stay away from her. She was making him feel things he never knew it was pos...
Am I still not good enough? Am I still not worth that much? I'm sorry for the way my life turned out Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now Guess I'm still not good enough
"Good enough": Little Mix
Q: Has anyone made you feel like you were not good enough?
*WARNING: sensitive topic inside*
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"What's that supposed to mean mom? Why can't a girl like me be with someone like him? Am I that disgusting to look at that no attractive man would look at me?" My voice raised a beat and my whole chest ached.
"Tell me what is better for someone like me? Should I just accept anyone even if I'm not attracted to them because someone like me can't wish for more? What am I supposed to look for? Or better settle for just anyone that is willing to accept the ugly me? Just go for it? Because clearly, someone like me doesn't have a choice right? I'm too ugly and unattractive for a handsome man to be interested in me." My vision was getting blurry and the pain in my chest was getting worse.
My mom looked at me surprised. I never spoke back to her.
The surprise was soon replaced by anger and it was her next words that made me decide that sometimes enough is enough.
"You're always overreacting Katherine. I'm only telling you what people don't dare to tell you." She spat and it felt like a dagger directed to my heart. And if that wasn't enough she continued to stab the knife deeper to make sure I felt it. "That man that brought you home doesn't look at girls like you and you know it. He looks at girls like Sarah. He's toying with you and wants only to get to your sister. You should know when to lower your standards, Katherine. You're making a fool out of yourself!" She crossed her arms and gave me a disappointed look. The one that I've been seeing all my life. The, you are a disappointment look.
"Mom, do you even hear yourself? Do you even realize what you're telling your own daughter?"
She always said similar things but never, never shamed me to this level.
"Someone has to tell you the truth honey, you're daydreaming too much".
"Look at yourself, you're 24 and still a virgin. It's written all over your face" She gestured at my body.
"Are you serious mom? Are you telling me that I should just go and lose my virginity to anyone just so that people don't look at me as a weirdo? Can't a girl decide for herself what to do with her body?" I was hurt like I've never felt before.
"You're saying that because no one wanted to take it that far with you and you're masking it as if it was your choice." She yelled and I froze. I couldn't believe my own mother would say that to me.
"I can't believe you just said that mom." I said and shook my head in disappointment. My own mother was basically telling me that no one would ever want to be with me for who I am.
"You should really learn from Sarah!"
That's it. I had enough.
I nodded and remained silent. Placed the bag on the floor and walked towards my room.
"YOU DO NOT WALK AWAY UNTIL I'M FINISHED TALKING" She screamed but I ignored her and kept walking until I reached my room.
I took the luggage from my closet and shoved the few clothes I owned inside.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" My mom yelled.
"Leaving" I answered without further explanation.
I could no longer stay there. I had enough of this mistreatment. Being my parent does not give her the right to humiliate and disrespect me. Much less body shame me and treat me like a nuisance to the world.
I might not be the smartest or the prettiest but that doesn't mean I'm less of a human. I get hurt too.
"After everything I did for you, you're leaving? I raised you and fed you all these years and this is my payment? How could you be so ungrateful?"
"I am grateful mom. I did everything I could to help you. I've been paying rent to you since I started college. I don't think I owe you anything else." I said calm but my tone was cutting.
I never raised my voice to a yelling level. Something I noticed that infuriates people more but this is how I deal with confrontations. I think before I speak.
I don't like when people yell at me. When they do I go silent. Dead silent. I know that if I say something in the moment I will regret it later so I go for the silence instead.
"What about all the years when you didn't pay? What about my youth? Who's gonna give that back to me?"
I feel like the more she speaks the worse it gets.
"If money is what you need I still wire you money monthly" I said closing the luggage and getting up.
I walk past her and I go towards the door. I don't get to open the door because she grabs my elbow and forces me to turn around.
Then she does something that I will never forget.
She slaps me.
"I can't believe I raised such an ungrateful daughter. Fine, leave! But remember that once you cross that door you no longer have a mother."
I went silent. I nodded with tears rolling down my cheeks then opened the door and walked away.
As I was going down the stairs I was breathing heavier and my chest hurt like hell.
I never was and I'll never be enough for her. She'll always prefer Sarah. I'll always be the second choice for everyone.
Where am I even going at 3am without a car?
I called a cab and a few minutes later I arrived at the motel outside the town. Staying in a hotel was too expensive and I couldn't afford that luxury.
Once there I grabbed my luggage and went to the front desk.
The receptionist was a middle aged man who wasn't specifically happy with his job.
I paid for a full week and ignored his curious stare.
Once in my new "home" I tried to ignore the musty smell. At least the room was clean enough so it will do until I figure out what to do.
I laid on my back on the bed and let the tears flow.
I felt miserable. But most of all I felt unloved.
Why am I not good enough?
.......
What do you think? I honestly feel bad for Katherine. I know the feeling of being a second choice and let me tell you it's horrible!
