Wishing For One Day

Not In The Mood~Chapter Three (Jay's POV)

I drove straight to Mouse's new apartment after basically falling down on the floor and sobbing.

I know she saw me. And frankly, I didn't care. I was so broken without her, little did she know. Even when we weren't together, Erin was always there for me and had my back. I knew she still did, but this was different. How normal could things really be after you've broken up with your partner, who you were sleeping with and really weren't even supposed to be with in the first place?

Mouse and I talked for a while and we threw away a six pack. I was probably drunk but honestly didn't care. At this point, alcohol was the only thing that numbed the pain.

"So what's going on with you, man?" Mouse began. "You seein' somebody?" I laughed sympathetically. This again. I had almost forgotten after three beers.

"I guess I was," I have a small, sad smile, "for a minute." I chugged down the rest of my bottle and reached for the last one but Mouse stopped me.

"Buddy, I think you've had enough. I'm already not letting you drive home by yourself, let's not add get home period to the list of things you're not doing tonight." I threw my head back in frustration.

"What the hell did I do wrong, Mouse?! What did I do to her or Voight to deserve this?" I begged him.

I caught his eye with Voight's name. "Voight and who exactly...?" He questioned.

"Erin. Erin Lindsay." He immediately knew who I was talking about and he knew her rep. She was Voight's girl, no matter what she had to say about it. Whatever Voight said went with her.

"So you and her had a thing? Was it... Public knowledge?" Mouse pestered on.

"It wasn't while we were going on, but then Voight found out. Who knows who he's told by now and what he's done." I responded. I didn't want to talk about the subject anymore but Mouse pressed further.

"So why did you two quit? To me, it sounds like you were enjoying yourself while it lasted and you seem pretty broken up about it now, if I do say so myself." He said, stepping back to inspect my grumpy, upset face.

"Would you really like to know why we broke up? We broke up because Voight didn't want us together. Since when did he make the fricking rules in my life?" I spat angrily.

"That's the thing, Jay. He doesn't make your rules and despite the fact that he practically raised her, he doesn't make Erin's either. So if this thing between you two is over simply because of him, it sounds like you are letting somebody tell you what to do even though you don't agree with them in the least bit." He spoke cautiously, not sure if he was going to upset me.

"I don't know, Mouse. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm no good for her." I said, second guessing myself.

"Have you ever hurt a woman? Intentionally let her down, Jay?" He asked me.

I thought about it for a moment. "First of all, I would never hurt a woman. Never. And second of all, I don't let her down intentionally but yes, it happens occasionally." I responded. The alcohol was starting to wear off, causing me to get a major headache from thinking too much.

"Exactly, Jay! That is life! People get let down and they get disappointed but that is expected of people and life. The point is, you would never deliberately let her down or disappoint her." He said, trying to talk me back into believing that I was good enough for Erin after all.

I couldn't talk about this anymore. I couldn't think straight and I had a major headache. "I should go, it is getting late and-"

Mouse cut me off. "Jay, you're not driving home. Please just stay here and you can get up early to go to your place and get ready for work or whatever you need to do." He pleaded.