See The Rainbows In My Eyes

One Step Closer

Thursday 18th December 1975

"Do we really have to do this now?" Peter complained.

"Yeah we have essays to write," James added.

Sirius waved them off. "You bussy arses need some relaxation."

James turned his head around. "You consider this relaxation?"

He shrugged. "A form of it."

Truthfully, Sirius didn't drag his friends out of bed to go roaming at twelve-thirty in the morning because he wanted to relax. He, of all people, hated getting up at ungodly hours.

Yet if Sirius slept, he'd be alone with his thoughts, and all week he'd been trying to keep himself busy to avoid that exact issue.

There were multiple things he'd been trying to push aside and deal with later like the fact that his mother expected him to be home for the holidays and...him. Sirius didn't even want to mention the usual name he referred to him by, even that seemed scandalous in some strange way.

But Merlin was it hard not to think about him.

It was impossible for Sirius to sleep and not picture those blue mooned eyes. It was impossible for Sirius to eat and not glance up at the table across from him. It was impossible for Sirius to focus on his work and not hear "pretty boy" echoing in his head. And it was impossible for Sirius to understand why this was happening. 

Sometimes he wanted to curl up in a ball under his heap of blankets and cry. It sounded dramatic, pathetic even but new things never ran well with Sirius. He wasn't good at "different." He liked the way things were, always did, and always would. But this...this was toying with him, mocking him in a way.

He didn't know what this was and he didn't want to know so Sirius just kept himself distracted until he wore himself out, running from his thoughts for as long as possible.

One of those distractions was this. Four boys crammed under James' cloak, venturing the hollow halls of their school so they could fill out the map they'd been stalling on finishing.

They ventured as many corridors as they could manage, marking down every classroom, tapestry, portrait, cupboard, and stairwell they passed. James was taking the lead, scribbling and sketching everything down, claiming he was the most "artistically inclined" of the group which Sirius found to be complete bullshit.

"Someone quiz me on Potions," Peter asked, having been a sack of nerves all week for their Potions exam tomorrow.

"What's an Invigoration Potion and list the ingredients," Remus questioned.

Peter groaned, wracking his memory. "Er, it's- it has something to do with energy."

"Boosting energy," Remus corrected, very matter of factly. Sirius couldn't help but smirk.

"Right, boosting energy and the ingredients are...dried billywig stings, scurvy grass, peppermint..." He trailed off, scrunching his face to remember but he let his head fall forwards. "Blimey, I can't remember."

"Pete, you're gonna do great. Don't beat yourself up about it," James reassured with a soothing tone, always so optimistic. 

Peter huffed. "You're one to talk, have the bloody brain of a-"

But Sirius couldn't catch the end of what Peter said next because something, up ahead, had caught his attention. It was a tall blur but darker against the darkness. Sirius quirked his head. It was still, probably a knight but why would a knight be patrolling? Knights never patrolled?