Behind Blue Eyes

And this is where it all falls apart.

(Heeeeey precursor: thanks YinYang4life2019 !!!)

My breath comes hard, fast, and overall is too out of control for me to calm down. A lead belt sits heavy around my waist, a reminder.
You can't use your quirk.
It's been 15 years, I'm tired and really, really don't want to die before I figure out another plan. I know that's not quite hopeful, but throw me a bone here.
Oh, wait, I can't even remember what happened. Why am I upset? I wipe the hot tears off my face, and control my breathing. I watch the wall, these white, padded walls that have held me for my entire life.
I sit down, resigning myself, regaining the last of the little composure I have. Honestly, I should be used to it by now.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps. Only one thought crosses my mind. 'This can't be good.'
I watch as the red eyed man- Master Pavlov- comes in and closes the door.
Most people would call it risky, but he and I both know I won't attack him. I can't.
He holds all the strings, and we know it.
He smiles. "#04." (My designated number, although the name I have been given is Kage,) You see, I have a mission for you. Now, you will be outside the lab. You will be living your life. You must act normal, must not run, must not tell anyone of us." He walks forward, grabbing my chin. "Remember, we hold your life in our hands." He grabs me, wrapping a collar around my neck, and leading me away. I do not fight, sad as it is to say. He leads me to a room, then gives me a gown with one of the sides cut out and asks me to change.
I do, closing the curtain and quickly stepping out of one dress into the other.
Brown hair brushes my cheek. My hair should not be this long, but I have not been given a haircut in months.
So this was planned. I know it softens the edges of my face, making me look less angular. It fleshes my face out, I know that too. I am malnourished, and they are trying to fix this, but it is taking awhile.
I pull on the gown and walk out, holding the white standard-issue lab dress.
Pavlov motions for me to lay down on the table. The cold metal bites into my skin, causing me to shiver. Pavlov wipes some sort of antiseptic wipe over my side, and then injects something.
I look towards the wall, not wanting to look. Pavlov talks about what this is, his voice an embodiment of fear in my head. It pours into my ears like dread himself.
I guess in the end you don't need a fantasy entity to represent everything evil. They'll stand right in front of you and you wouldn't ever know that to someone else, this person might be Fear.
"Should you slip up, should we decide you need it, we can shock you. This device listens to the outside world, so make sure every piece of information you get is heard, not seen. And, of course, should we pick up the signs that you're going to tell anybody, we'll poison you." He laughs bitterly, a Russian accent giving a cruel tinge to his voice. "30 seconds. Boom. Dead." I take a deep, shuddering breath, and nod.
He explains what happens next.
Long story short, I'm there to get information about people and the course. They want to know about quirks of pro heros, quirks of the students, whatever I can get.
And so I'm thrown back in, to be released tomorrow.

I step out of the van, seeing the grounds looming in front of me. I need to make it in- I don't have a god$!&@ choice!!! Fear roils in my stomach, Pavlov's face flashing in front of my eyes. Fear, Dread, and endless Desperation are sent through me in ebbing waves.
It would only take a second, one slip-up, and I could be dead by dusk. I need this.
I need it more than the round-cheeked, brown haired girl walking by. Than the nervous green-haired boy who stumbles and nearly fall.
As I briskly march towards either my death or my savior, something causes me to spin around. To watch.
The round-cheeked girl catches- no, she floats greenie to safety. I take a mental note, being sure to write that down later.
But why would she help him? She's going to need every bit of stamina that she can get, and I wouldn't waste it if I were in her place.
But... she seems cheerful. Not begrudging, not scared out of her ever-loving wits.
Instead, she smiles, helps him up.
They chat.
I'm swept away before I can gather every detail, but the image sticks with me. She helped him because she could, because she wanted to. Maybe that's not odd to her, but she doesn't know how much it may mean.
It could make or break her, yet she did it.
She's a better person than I am.

We all sit crowded in one auditorium. I've since lost sight of floaty girl and greenie, but I see many more interesting faces and quirks. I try to take mental notes- I really do, but it's so overwhelming. It feels like there's a syringe in my brain, injecting information endlessly until I can fit it no longer.
And then, somehow, after a quick explanation of the rules, I'm on a field.
Monsters, giant arcs of metal loom in front of us. And from there, it's a free-for-all.
I don't focus on helping others- surely there will be no points for that. Instead, I study the monster as it tracks me. I search for anything- loose wires, a control panel, some sort of glass that I can break, whatever I can use to kill this machine.
And finally, I do spot it. Simple electrical wires underneath the armor, underneath a panel. I can only guess they lead to a generator.
I quickly close my eyes, envisioning that door. I push into the anywhere, waiting for the tear.
And then suddenly-
I'm falling, and that's all I can feel. I am nothing, no sort of particle or intelligent being, not even atoms. All there is is the falling, and falling, and falling.
The suddenly I am Kage again, but this time I actually am falling. I wrap my hands around the warm metal head, and reach down for the control panel as it spins wildly, trying to throw me off. This isn't good, I can't pry it open.
I keep my arms locked and close my eyes, fighting off all the dizziness. Not just from the spinning of this robot, but from my own quirk. I quickly kicks down my foot, beating the edge of the panel to get it open.
I hear explosions, every noise available to the human ears. The most important thing is the sound of a piece of steel hitting the ground. The control panel is open.
Thank god.
I try to climb down, but a sudden movement from the robot nearly sends me spinning off onto the ground. Watch it, Kage.
I don't want to scream, but the terror escapes me as I fall. My hands scrabble for desperate purchase, and I do find it. A ledge- the opening to the inside.
I swing my body inside, thanking god for the nearly six hours every day- all 365 days of the year- that we trained.
We would train until we puked, collapsed, passed out, broke a leg. There was never a good reason to stop.
And now I thank the UA for letting me keep my daggers as I cut the wires, but then I realize.
This thing is falling faster than I can get out. I don't know the landscape- a careless mistake on my part. I didn't memorize it, and now I can't get out, a piece of steel crushes my body, and I scream.
I can't get out, off, I'm going to die here. No! No-
I consider praying, but if there was a god I wouldn't be in the lab. No point.
Suddenly, ah unbearable heat takes over me. I scream the words loud and clear, "DON'T MELT THE METAL! IT WON'T WORK AND I'LL GET TOO HOT!"
But the words are for naught. Right as it gets unbearable, it stops.
Instead, I feel dust brush my cheek, swirling across my closed eyes. A hand grabs me by the shoulder and hauls me out.
"Woah, woah. Hey, open your eyes please. You're fine."
I yank open my eyes, only to find red eyes staring into my own. But they're not Pavlov's. I know these eyes vaguely, but from a time not so long before my blood went black.
But my blood went black for years ago.
He is alive. They really did escape.
One tear leaks down my cheek as my chest seems to collapse.
"Rakurai?..."

Hey author's note!
Feedback is appreciated, thanks for reading!
YinYang4life2019 thanks for letting me spin off your story! Thank you readers! 1355 words.