Return to Sender {bucky barnes/winter soldier}

010: Passcode Changed

"Why would they have a S.H.I.E.L.D. file? Especially if it's yours. Wouldn't HYDRA have their own file?" Mila set down the file confused and looked at Bucky for an explanation.

"They had that S.H.I.E.L.D. laptop. They probably took other things." He pulled over his box and quickly looked through it to see if there was anything else but sadly there was nothing useful.

"Does this help us?" She flipped through the redacted pages looking for anything before pausing. Mila froze and looked at the picture folded into the corner. It was the only picture that wasn't scratched out or redacted. 

In the old photograph there was a picture of Bucky, except he didn't look like himself, he was brighter, happier. His hair was shorter and he was smiling, with a real smile. Next to him was a group of people. 

"You look so different." She picked up the picture to show the tired and worse for wear Bucky.

"It was a different time. I had more things to be happy about than I realized."

Mila pursed her lips as she looked closer at the picture and notices Bucky's aversion to the file. He continued to distance himself from the file, as if he didn't want to remember.

"Well there's nothing here. We've pretty much got a dead end. I hope whoever they're talking to can help."

She paused and looked around at the files surrounding them. Her mind thinking back to the agent she shot that day. Mila cleared her throat as she looked down, stuck in a thought spiral. 

"I was a bad person. Wasn't I?"

"What?" Bucky perked up, noticing how she avoided eye contact.

"That wasn't the first time I've killed people." She looked up slowly, still keeping her eyes elsewhere. But still, she could feel the awkwardness in the air. She knew he was keeping things from her. "I mean, I could feel it. The way that gun felt in my hand felt terrifyingly familiar."

Bucky stayed silent as he tried to think of what to say, anything that might make the truth less painful. "You had a different... set of... morals?" 

Mila finally looked him in the eyes with a look of disbelief. "Aren't you and your buddies always preaching about trust? How can I trust you if you hide things from me?"

Her voice sounded more hurt than angry, almost as if inside she knew all along. Sitting down on the bench in the back, she looked forwards, just breathing. Bucky continued to stand at a distance, suddenly not knowing what to do, so he just stared at her.

"Do you ever feel like you're just destined to be something you don't want to be?" She spoke softly, her gaze not leaving the side of the jet. "I was a killer before. And somehow, even without my memory, I managed to stay one. It's like nothing I do matters."

In his mind, Bucky understood how she felt, but in his mind she was perfect. He didn't know what to say or do. "I get it. But, you weren't a villain before. You had the right goals in mind."

"Why do you trust me so much? I mean, I have tried to run so many times and even now I feel this urge to run, somewhere. Anywhere. What if I get my memory back and I turn out to be just as horrible as I think I am?" Mila stood up to face him, knowing inside that she felt a darkness within her. A darkness that continued to tug on her insides, telling her to run in fear.

"You're not destined to be one thing. There's no invisible force keeping you in line. When you get your memory back, you can make that choice. And I believe in you because there was a time where you believed in me."