These Walls Belong to Us

4. mother dearest

Bang Bang Bang.
Great.
Aren's gonna lose his fucking mind.
"Coming, coming, coming, god stop banging on the door."
I squint my eyes and see the time reflected on my old microwave.
4:45 am.
"Can't a woman get any sleep in her own home?"
I fling the door open and see my mom standing in her church attire.
Fuck, it's Sunday.
"I know it's a little early, but Father Eustace says it's never too early to confess to your sins."
She squeezes past me and I feel my will to live lessen.
"Mom, it's almost 5 am and I have to work at 8. Look, I. Told. You. Being a lesbian is not me 'rebelling against you and your religion.' I could care less about what you believe in, but constantly harassing me in my own home is going a bit too far dontcha think?"
I say that last part a little too sarcastically and see her frown.
"Becca, oh darling, I just want what's best for you. Being with a woman- that's just, there's no benefit is there?"
She blinks slowly with an almost porcelain smile on her face.
Creepy.
"Who cares Mom? It benefits me. It makes me happy. Isn't that all that matters? If you truly cared about me, you'd leave and go to church by your fucking self."
She clenches her hand over her heart.
"Becca! Language, please. And I do care for you. Can't you see I'm trying to put you back on the right track? This - this charade has gone on for far too long. It's almost like- Becca, what happened to my little girl?"
I snap.
"Your little girl? Ha. How about you, Mom? Where'd my mom go? All I see is some pretentious bitch who cheated on her husband because she was sooooooooo desperate to get away from her family! You fucked up mom, not me. So stay out of my fucking house with your Little House on the Prairie bullshit and LEAVE. ME. ALONE!"
I inhale sharply and she stands up.
"Well, I can see I am no longer welcome here so I'll be on my way. May the Lord be with you Becca."
She storms out the door and I collapse on my hard ass tile floor.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Haha. Fuck."
I can feel the tears streaming down my face.
"Huh. When did you turn into a little bitch?"
I whisper.
I wipe my tears roughly and snag my bottle of Vodka out of the cabinet.
glug glug glug.
When i'm done, I throw the empty bottle and wipe my mouth.
"FUCK!"
I put my head on my knees.
Everything is dark.
...
I hear my alarm ringing from somewhere.
I glance at the microwave.
7:45 am.
Already?
I reluctantly pull myself off the floor and start to get ready for work.
God I'm tired.
I consider calling in but I know that wouldn't be fair to Marie.
I walk into the flower shop at exactly 8 am and see Marie doing her morning watering.
"Good morning Sunshine! Come give your favorite co-worker a hug!"
She embraces me tightly and I sigh into her apron.
"Just where do you get your energy from?"
She reply's swiftly.
"Aren's drug dealer."
She winks and I laugh.
"Not much to do today so you can leave early if you'd like."
She tries to seem nonchalant but I know her too well.
"What gave me away?"
"Your breath. Spearmint."
Fuck.
"Marie-"
She swiftly cuts me off.
"Do what you gotta do, and go home."
I nod and we work in silence.
I can't take it.
"Marie, I'm sorry."
"Was it your mom? What time did she come over? I swear that woman is a rooster."
"5 am Mar."
She whistles.
"Damn, she's more persistent than my ex-husband."
I laugh a little and I see Marie smile too.
"Becca, I sympathize I really do, but I told you: no drinking before work. Do it again and I will really have to fire you."
"Isn't that what you said last month?"
I try to joke but she looks me dead in the eyes.
"One more strike, and you're out."
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
"Good girl. Now do your shit and go the fuck home."
...
2 pm.
I clock out and Marie gives me one last hug.
I take off my apron,
"Really, I'm sorry Mar."
She flips me off and I walk out of the shop.
The door bells clang and I start my walk home.
My eyes water a little and the world bends.
Fuck.