Cold Candy

Message to a dear friend

Dear Khalifa

What is this big empty void I feel in my chest? this huge weight in it?

is this how it feels to miss someone you care about? a deep mixture of anger and sadness and regret swirling inside? I wish I had told you a long time ago that I loved being friends with you, that you were like the twin brother I never had, that you taught me the meaning of real friendship, you never judged me, you never made me upset, you never got angry when I called you short or touched the middle of your head to prove my point. you never got tired of my pointless stories and you always had some Smart-ass comment in your head ready to reply with it.

I remember the first time we met, I had a runny stomach and Couldn't keep anything down in my stomach. you were walking around the house shirtless. I was embarrassed because Mama had told you what was wrong with me. I remember giving my mountain dew to Aliyu. I remember Babangida falling asleep on the couch and waking up with drool over his face and muttering ''oh shit!". I thought he was embarrassed because a girl had seen him drool.

I remember the first time I heard had sickle cell Anemia. It shocked me to the core. i wondered how someone as healthy as you were could have that disease. I also remember the first time we spoke.
You told me you were in Js2 and I was in Js1 at the time, but I lied to you and said I was in Js2 because I was ashamed of my class considering we were age mates.

I remember the time you spent a whole day at my place and we sat in Mama's wardrobe just talking. I told you that I lied about my class, you said ''you dont have to be ashamed of your age or your class, and then afterwards you whispered to me 'i repeated Js2, so we're in the same class now".

I have so many good memories of you and I cant recall a single one where you were angry with me for more than an hour.

the first time I saw you in hospital, I cried, I hated seeing you in so much pain knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I was angry with the doctors for not finding a vein sooner. you were lying in that bed crying in pain and I was just silent in my chair, weeping for my dear twin.

I remember the time we were at your place. You had a syringe and told me that you preferred injections to tablets. I told you I was afraid of syringes and hated injections. you told me your butt was sore from getting injections everyday. I laughed at you. you chased me around the house with that syringe.

I remember the time you were hospitalized again and Your brother donated blood to you. (I had a massive crush on him at the time and You loved to taunt me when he was around) He was sitting in the chair beside you, talking to you. I was fidgeting so much and i had sweaty palms and a parched throat. I was extremely nervous because He and baba were in the room.

I don't think I've ever been at your house when you Weren't there. we often bonded over our mutual hate for school. you told me you sometimes faked being sick so you wouldn't have to go to school.

My last Memory of yours is when we came over at night with mama and I found a cute pink kitchen set. we talked for a long time, if I had known those were my last moments with you, I would have told you how much I appreciated our friendship. I regret not telling you how much you meant to me,I regret never telling you that you were the best friend I've ever had, I hate that I never told you how much I loved being friends with you, I never got to tell you how much I liked listening to you, I never got to see you graduate, you're not going to be able to come to my graduation, i'm never going to see you again, i'm never going to be able to tease you about your height and poke you in the middle of your head to prove my point. our parents are never going to see us playfully banter back and forth. I miss you so much and its only been twenty four hours since you passed away.

I hate referring to the past tense when I'm talking about you. I hate that i'm writing this instead of telling you straight to your face, I cant hear your voice and listen to you talk again. i'm never going to see your face again and I miss you so much. But I know you're in a better place.

I know you miss us, we'll meet again very soon.
You're will never be forgotten, I promise you that you will forever be in our hearts and our memories. so just wait Cheeky one. we'll meet again in the hereafter and then I'll be able to tell you all that I've written here, But until then, Goodbye Dear Khalifa.