Behind Closed Doors

New Home

 My eyes started to burn with the desperation of sleep; I merely blinked a few time my eyes becoming watery. Sleep was out of the question. Last night every time I closed my eyes all I could see was my mother's dead form lying on that hospital bed with all the IV's and wires hooked up to her. My world was already a nightmare and I could barely face that facing my dream world would be torture beyond compare. I took in a couple deep breaths taking in the blood soaked white carpet. How was I going to cover up this mess? Say my mom had the car crash right in her bed room? RING...RING! I jumped as the phone sounded; it broke my string of useless excuses. Looking around in haze I rushed to the phone, lying on the king size bed never moved from its spot in more than a week. Loud noises were not good for me right now. Weakly, I answered, "Hello?"

            "Mia? Sweetie its dad," the traitor spoke into the phone, softly. How had he heard already?  Then I remembered my own lips betraying me when I had been so devastated by the catastrophic news that the doctor had told me.   

            "Dad...?" The name sounded weird on my tongue.

            "I heard what happened. I'm so sorry baby, are you ok?"

            His questioned took me off guard. Was I ok? "I don't know" I spoke shakily the pain surging through me again.

            "You're coming here immediately. We'll have the funeral here and you will come live with me." His voice was strong, raw with emotion. I hardly understood through my numb haze. What did he mean by here? What was happing, a funeral? Me live with him, the traitor?  "Mia sweetheart, are you there?"

            "Huh, oh yeah I'm here. How am I going to get to um...?" I trailed off I wasn't sure where I was going or if I could even leave. I was talking in a haze.

            "Larkin Creek, it's where your mother and I grew up you'll like it better here. It's much cozier not so big and dangerous." He sounded like he was trying to persuade me.

            "Oh" I paused for a long time till something very obvious occurred to me, "How am I getting there" my voice cracked

            "I'm sending my sister to come pick you up. Do you know her? Well it doesn't matter just sit tight by this time tomorrow you will be here and safe."

            "O-ok." I was unsure of my answer nothing was making sense to me.

            "Don't worry about anything else I got it all taken care of," he reassured me and at that moment I believed him. He was going to take care of me it felt nice to have that support  

             "I love you." I spoke the three words I had vowed I would never ever say to him again, but these circumstances were different. It was ok if I broke my own promise for some semblance to a family. So I wouldn't be alone.

            "Love you too." And with those parting words we hung up.

            I put the phone down slowly my hand shaking in the process as the realization that I would have to start packing now if I was ever going to be ready by tomorrow hit me. With a heavy, sad sigh I stood my body quivering with the weight it had to carry. I wobbled a little as I walked the familiar steps through my house heading downstairs for food, I needed some energy. The house felt strange, it felt barren. I stood in the kitchen memories flooding my mind. My knees buckled under me, but I caught myself on the counter; shock flew through me as I saw for the first time the extensiveness of my therapy from last night. The scars were deep and my arms looked bruised. With another deep, sharp breath I steadied myself and stood frozen in place. How could I continue? Why did it always have to be me!?  I came to the conclusion I was in no mood to eat. I felt too hollow to fill myself with foolish food; the trip had been useless. I walked unsteadily back upstairs this time to my own room. The dark walls were screaming at me that I was alone.  Collapsing on my bed I glared at the ceiling. I was truly alone, before I was only partly alone at least I had a companion to talk to, to see and feel and love even if I was the one taking care of her. Now I didn't even have someone to lean on. All alone. I only had myself left. The silence was defining, I couldn't take it, and with a hit of a button I filled my room with loud rhythmic music.