Life changing moment (Part 2)

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I lay in my bed and tried to finally fall asleep. It just did not work. I had too many things on my mind that I had to do. I turned around for what felt like the thousandth time and stared at the clock. 7 o'clock in the morning. So now I had officially been up all night. I gave up trying to fall asleep and got up to make myself a cup of coffee instead.

Just as I was about to take my first sip, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be at this early hour? After I put my coffee mug back on the counter, I headed for the door to see who was bothering me in the early morning.

I opened the door and in front of me stood Roman. I should have known that he would show up here sooner or later. But secretly I had hoped for later.

"Roman, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"What am I doing here? Is this a joke? You know exactly why I am here, Y/N. I want to support you in your treatment," he said and sounded a bit angry.

"Well in that case you can leave right away. I will not be treated," I replied.

"What? What do you mean? You don't want to be treated?" Roman seemed surprised by my statement.

"Why should I? I have a 5% chance to survive this. 5 Roman! So why should I waste the time I have left with chemotherapy?" I told him.

"Listen Y/N, I know exactly how you feel. When I first got my diagnosis..."

"You can't compare that, Roman. Not at all. How high was your chance of survival estimated? About 80 %? Were you told you only had three or four months to live? Did they advise you to settle your estate? I don't do a chemotherapy because it wouldn't help me. It might buy me a little more time, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to die!" I yelled at him.

"And you of all people should know what chemotherapy does to the body. In addition, it would be much worse in my case, because I would receive a much higher concentrated dose. I don't want to spend the last months of my life vomiting and sleeping. I don't want my whole body to feel like it is on fire because all nerve endings are so sensitive. I can well do without the loss of concentration and memory, tiredness and fatigue. Why should I voluntarily go through this if it does not help me to get healthy?" I could not stop yelling at him.

"I know you're angry, but you can still fight," Roman replied in a calm tone.

"You're damn right I'm angry! I am so fucking angry! And I have the goddamn fucking right to be angry! I am the one who is going to lose her life. I'll never be able to do what I love again. I will never get married. I will never have children. You think you know what's going on inside me? Let me assure you that you don't know! You've been married, even if it didn't last. And you have children. So leave me alone and go away. Go spend time with your kids, Roman. You can't help me." my screaming slowly turned into crying.

"I have no reason to fight. And I have accepted that I cannot prevent it," I said as I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt.

Roman came over to me and took me in his arms. I could not stop crying and soaked his shirt with my tears. After a few minutes I calmed down. Roman took my face in his hands and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"I want you to fight Y/N. The chances may not be good, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I want you to fight for me. Not just because you're my best friend, but because I love you. And when I say I love you, I mean that I love you more than just as a friend. I know I should've said it earlier. But it doesn't change the fact that it's true. I love you Y/N. And we will find a way. Together," he said, looking deep into my eyes. How long had I dreamed of this moment? Years probably. But certainly not that I would die.

"Roman, you can't. It won't end well. You have to stay away from me. I don't want to drag you down with me. I love you too much to allow that. If you really love me, you'll leave now and not turn back," I replied.

"No Y/N. You will not get rid of me. We'll get a second opinion and if necessary a third or fourth opinion. I will take you to the best doctor there is in the world. But you must be willing to fight," Roman replied stubbornly.

I knew in that moment that no matter what I said, he would not listen to me. Maybe he was strong enough for both of us.

"Okay, I'll try, because I love you too," I said, standing on my tiptoes to give him a kiss.

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