Verbatim [h.s]

Fifty-Five

// Double Update: The Finale - Part Two \\

// Trigger Warning : Violence and Gore \\

// Song for this chapter is Kill You by Eminem \\

Zuri's POV

I think I have lost all hope and faith in being found. Being saved. I feel like I have been here for months. My body slowly feels like it is giving up from the lack of food and water, only being fed enough to actually stay alive but with my mind giving up, I feel it weakening my body too. I always believed that your mental attitude has such an importance on your physical health. In university, I focused a lot on mental health during one of my assignments. And also looked at how mental states can affect a person's ability to heal themselves.

For example, you find there are higher death rates with elderly people once they are placed in care homes or hospitals. Not only because they are ill and slow dying but because mentally, they give up. Being put in a hospital can have such a negative effect on the mental state that you can let go of your hope of ever getting better. Same with care homes, no matter how much love they may receive from the carers, a care home feels like the final straw in holding onto a life worth living.

I believe that if you mentally put yourself in a happy place, keeping that hope and vision alive that you will be okay that you will have a higher chance of survival.

But right now, I had lost all of that. the small thread I had been holding onto had been snapped the moment Max told me Harry shot me. The man I loved shot me. Although it was an accident, he obviously didn't intend on hurting me, that isn't the point. The point is he came into my life, brought me into his, introduced me to this world of violence and death and yet couldn't have the balls to tell me that I was the person stuck in that crossfire.

The bullet that was meant for my brother hit me.

And he never told me.

I am sick of all the lying. All the deceit.

And I'm sick of living.

This isn't a life worth living. Being here. stuck in this basement. I had wanted out but now? The sheer thought of leaving gave me anxiety. What do I do if I get out? I'm scarred for life both physically and mentally. I have no one I can trust on the outside. I have no home to go to. I have nowhere that I am safe. I would rather die than live a life where I don't know where I belong.

I had never really had such dark thoughts before but sitting here, in this basement, I stare at the scar on my inner thigh from that one cut that had gone wrong. I had bruises covering my arms and my torso. God knows what my face looked like. My hair was all matted and I didn't even want to think what I smelled like. I wore the same underwear I had when I got here, but thankfully I had this blanket. A blanket that smells like Harry, a smell I don't enjoy anymore because it reminds me of everything. but I refuse not to use it, it is the only source of warmth I have so I pull it tighter around me, covering my legs so I no longer see my scar.

I don't want to get out of here alive.

What is a life worth living with the memories forever engraved into my mind?

I close my eyes, resting my head back against the wall. As much as I try, a sea of memories flutters through my mind, playing my whole time with Harry.

Someone nudges me by accident, but it causes me to pull out of Audrey's grasp and trip over my feet. Everything happens in slow motion; my face falls as I feel my legs give out. I'm about to hit the floor. Fuck. I bring my hands out in front of me, ready to try to soften the blow on the cold concrete ground.