Hope.

Tears.

TW/CW: Selfharm, mentions of not eating.

~~

I closed the door behind me and sat down against the bathtub. My hands were shaking, almost letting me drop the razor I was holding in my right hand. I was trembling and I was trying not to cry too loud but after a while I didn't care anymore. I let all my feelings get out as I moved the razor closer to my arm.

One cut went to another, and another, and another.

And soon my arms were filled with fresh cuts, overlapping the older ones.

My hands were wet from constantly wiping the tears of my face, but I wasn't feeling any better. The constant thinking about Dream wasn't stopping, the thought that I was the one who killed him.

I stood up removing my pants as quickly as I could, bringing the razor to my thighs, cutting exactly 4 cuts in my right one until there was a knock on the door. I cursed to myself and quickly threw the razor in the bathtub, trying to somehow hide it.

I pulled my pants back up making me wince because of the material against my fresh made cuts.

I walked over to the door slowing opening it, wanting to know who was interrupting me, at the door stood Wilbur with a concerned face, biting his nails because of nerves. We locked eyes and his eyes widened seeing my face. He pulled the door all the way open and pulled me into a hug, I tried not to cry but I couldn't stop it.

Tears left my eyes again as Wilbur held me.

"Hey hey, its okay George, its not your fault okay? Its not your fault please stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't stop." Wilbur whispered into my ear.

"I KILLED HIM WILL!" I cried out.

"No! you didn't, Hannah did."

I fell on the ground out of exhaustion, pulling Wilbur down with me, but he didn't let go.

He let me cry onto his arms until I calmed down.

"I'm gonna shower." I said eventually.

"Okay George, I love you okay? Stop blaming yourself."

I sighed but nodded.

~~

I felt like a ghost.

After Wilbur convinced to finally eating after 2 days I thought I would be fine, but now I was sitting here, playing with my food as I heard the laughing of my friends.

No one dared to talk to me, no one wanted to deal with me.

They were talking, making jokes, eating the best dinner something could ask for and above all they just ignored it.

They ignored the fact that one of their best friends just fucking died, they were fucking smiling like nothing fucking happened, like they didn't care.

How could they pretend everything was okay when it wasn't?

Even Phil was laughing his ass off by some unfunny joke Tommy made.

I realised I was done with their bullshit when Niki came in the room with the desserts, everybody was cheering and laughing like it was some sort of birthday. I threw my fork away and stood up, not saying a word. I looked back to see if they actually cared, but they didn't seem to notice I left.

I ran through the hallways finally arriving at the front door, quickly opening it and running out of that stupid bunker. I didn't care about the cold or the dark, all I was thinking about was Dream.

I cursed to myself and ran through the woods, trying to find that one special place I wanted to go to, and when I arrived at the field were we had the dance, I laid down on the grass. Running my hands through the grass, picking up a flower, tucking it behind my ear. I looked up to the sky, finally finding my peace, I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't notice someone laying down next to me until they grabbed my hand.

"Its beautiful, isn't it?" Sapnap said.

I just nodded, not sure what to think about his presence.

"I had a feeling you were gonna run towards this place, its a good choice, its absolutely stunning here." He continued.

"I noticed your behaviour at dinner, don't worry George we miss him too. We just cope on a different way as you, but god I miss his stupid comments." He said with a chuckle.

"What kind of stupid comments?" I said, finally comfortable with his precence.

"Oh god, its too much to tell you, but he used to tell me every night that he couldn't stop thinking about the boy he met at that one crime scene. His beautiful brown hair and brown eyes, and how much he was interested in how smart that one boy was."

I giggled at his words.

"He really loved you George, even though he didn't have the time to tell you."

"Don't make me cry again Sap." I said.

"We are gonna get through this together okay?" He said, turning his head to face me.

"I miss him."

"I know, just have hope. Have hope that everything will be fine." Sapnap said.

He smiled and kissed my cheek making me chuckle.

"I love you George, and so did Dream."

"I love you too Sap." I said, tears already leaving my eyes.