Diary Of A Sad Author

Entry 1

Dear Diary,
The date is June 7th, 2021 that this is being written and today has been a true nightmare of the day. I woke up puking, and on my period. Of all the ways to wake up, that's not even the worse. The worse part was when I ended up sneezing up blood. That is always a sign that my lovely self have a sinus infection, and boy did I.
I went to the doctor and got diagnosed with a very bad sinus infection. So bad I had to get an antibiotic and steroid shot right at the doctors office. My asthma was acting up due to this sinus infection. Hence the need of the steroid. Then when I went to the pharmacy, I discovered that the doctor prescribed me a whole pack of steroids. Three pills for three days, then I go to two pills for three days, and after that I go on one pill for one day. You know, it's just my luck. Listening to my therapist advice of pushing past her illness truly didn't work! Don't listen to that, because I'm telling you, listen to your body before it gets worse. Trust me, this isn't the first time I've had to deal with getting sick and getting worse because I push myself.

After getting home, eating and relaxing. My parents left. (This is me time. Time to do whatever I wish.) So I decided it was time to finally reach out to my biological father's family, more like his wife in hopes of learning stuff I need to know. Like medical history. I dunno if I told you guys this, but he's gone, and so is the hope that one day he would come to me, and apologise for abandoning me was gone as well. I used to stay up at night, thinking of ways to embarrass him in public, yelling as well as calling him every name under the book. But I still had hope he would at least apologise but he never did. At last, that hope of that ever being is gone just like the snowy winter nights of North America, but unlike the winter nights, he will not return, he will not be renewed. He missed his chance to grow and love, but that doesn't mean I have.

I was so excited speaking with his wife and my younger sister. It was truly exciting. Then my mom and dad came home and even though I'm over 18, I know my mom is a narcissist and will make everything about her. So I hide it. I'm sick, so it was easy to convince them I was just laying in my room, until she started to scream for me to come to the living room, no matter how many times I asked 'what?' Or 'what do you need?' She kept at it. She wanted me to make coffee for them.

Anyways, I continue to speak with them into the night before I finally found the courage to tell her what was going on. I thought she would be happy for me but instead she was 'I don't understand why you even reached out for them.'
'I have a step sibling too.' That she decided she didn't wish to have a relationship with because of her father. I told her in a calm tone that 'just because you base your relationship with your step sister about your father, doesn't mean I have too.' My grandfather was a cheater, but that doesn't make it the kids fault, but apparently in my mom eyes, it does.

It only gets worse form there. One thing that really got under my skin was 'I thought after his death this would be so much easier.' I asked her to explain, as I did find it easier, turns out she's making me contacting my half siblings all about herself. She can't even seem to be happy at all, that I'm actually doing what I wish to do. She was basically trying to make this about her, when it truly isn't about her at all. He's not in the picture, she doesn't have to see him at all cause he's gone. Yet, she can't be happy that I found my half siblings. She basically began to shun me after I explain I was speaking with them.